Qwackers

"Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there -- bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men."

...No, this isn't a quote from Vlad Putin. Or Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist haters for Jesus. Or Pat Robertson, who blames gays for hurricanes and fires and terrorist strikes. It is another Rapture-Right Robertson, however -- beloved Reality TV star Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty Fame, quoted in the January issue of GQ magazine.  

Time magazine has more:

"It started when Robertson began to talk about the erosion of morality in American culture in which, 'Everything is blurred on what's right and what's wrong. Sin becomes fine.' Robertson returned to the subject throughout the interview. When giving a Cliffs Notes version of the New Testament book of Corinthians: 'Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers -- they won't inherit the kingdom of God. ... Don't deceive yourself. It's not right.'"

Talking about forgiveness:

"We never, ever judge someone on who's going to heaven, hell. That's the Almighty's job. We just love 'em, give 'em the good news about Jesus -- whether they're homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort 'em out later, you see what I'm saying?"

And explaining his take on human anatomy:

"'It seems to me, a vagina -- as a man -- would be more desirable than a man's anus,' he said. 'That's just me. I'm just thinking, 'There's more there! She's got more to offer.' I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical.'

"A&E released a statement from Robertson explaining his anti-gay statements with the assurance he 'would never treat anyone with disrespect.'"

Oh gee, of course -- no offense, dude! Just because you say all gays are doomed to hell and compare them to terrorists and link them to bestiality, that doesn't mean you disrespect them! How could anybody think that?

We prefer the more Christ-like philosophy espoused by another Deep-South reality TV star: Last year Honey Boo-Boo declared that she thought everybody was "a little bit gay."

Amen, l'il sista.  Amen.