Often, we become hypersensitive or defensive to words, phrases or advice uttered by family. They act as triggers transforming a simple disagreement into a personal attack that doesn't serve anyone well or solve the challenge.
If you find this happens, now's a perfect opportunity to engage in a bit of introspection. Become more mindful of what 'sets you off.' Is there a particular word or phrase that puts you on the defensive? What pushes your buttons? What's your trigger?
Create a plan for how you'll respond in the future to stressful situations with the people you love most. Perhaps you'll use a phrase to halt the conversation midstream preventing escalation.
Examples might be:
- "I hope you don't mind but I really prefer not discussing this right now."
- "I appreciate you're trying to help but I need to make my own decision."
- "I know you want what's right for me but it's my life and I'll live with the consequences.
- "Can we just drop this?"
- "Let's not turn this into an argument." "I love you and this is way too stressful."
- "How about we agree to disagree"?
If the individual involved seems unable or unwilling to stop then consider simply ending the conversation by saying. "I can't talk about this anymore, I don't mean to be rude but I'm going to hang up the phone." You can use similar verbiage if the conversation is in person and just walk away. If texting, a simple "I can't text anymore right now, sorry."
These are generic examples. Each family and its dynamics are different. Attempt to devise a strategy that works best for your particular situation. It may or might not work -- but isn't it worth a try?
All families give advice, argue and interfere to some degree. However, the way it plays out can differ significantly. Having family with whom you can let off a little steam can be healthy as long as it's not so hot it scalds anyone.
Determine that your next 'argument' will be about the specific topic and not become a personal attack on someone you love.
It's unlikely you'll solve all family situations in a calm, relaxed and mellow manner. I've yet to meet anyone able to accomplish this Herculean feat.
However, with a plan in place you can make certain you don't unintentionally hurt the most important people in your life. (click on page 3)
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