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OpEdNews Op Eds    H4'ed 3/31/11

President Palin's First Ten Days in Office

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Day One : Chief Justice Roberts administers the oath of office. President Palin repeats the words "So help me God," fifty-five times and won't let go of the Bible. The benediction lasts six hours.

 

In her inaugural speech, she proclaims that, "Democratic countries of the world must stand together to defeat Communism and win the Cold War."

 

Tweet: Prety sur Justc. Rbts. commando undr robe @ inaug. Ooooh . 

 


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Day Two : President Palin orders the Bureau of Printing and Engraving to remove Ulysses S. Grant's face from the fifty dollar bill and replace it with the image of Ronald Reagan because Grant "has a foreign-sounding first name and who was he anyway?" She considers changing the $10 bill and the $100 bill, but Vice-President Michele Bachmann advises her to refrain because Benjamin Franklin and Alexander Hamilton were "two of our greatest presidents."

 

Tweet: Said "gee Todd'" today & scret srvice thot I said "jihad." Oops! 

 


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Day Three : Palin orders her new Secretary of God to place a thirty foot statue of Jesus holding a shotgun on the front lawn of the White House. Work begins on construction of a shooting range in the Rose Garden, and the West Wing is eliminated, because it's on the left side of the building. 

 

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John Blumenthal Social Media Pages: Facebook page url on login Profile not filled in       Twitter page url on login Profile not filled in       Linkedin page url on login Profile not filled in       Instagram page url on login Profile not filled in

John Blumenthal has been a professional comedy writer for 25 years. A former associate editor and columnist at Playboy Magazine (following a short stint at Esquire), he's written 8 books and 2 produced movies. His films include "Short Time," (major (more...)
 
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