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Will Prince Charles Ever Be King?

By       Message John Blumenthal     Permalink
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Since Prince Charles is next in line to inherit the throne, he probably goes through his entire adult life wishing his mother was dead. That's got to be tough for a parent. I doubt that Charles even gives her a Mother's Day gift, but if he does, it's probably something sharp.

The question is: Will Prince Charles ever be King?

He's got two counts against him right off the bat: First, Queen Elizabeth is going to live forever. There's good longevity in that family. The Queen Mother lived to be 228. Second, Charles fooled around with Camilla while he was married to Lady Diana and then he divorced her. This did not make him the most popular guy in Britain. Actually, it made him a leper. Most Brits would rather have Eddie Izzard occupying the throne. I conducted a poll.

Technically, the rules of succession are nearly ironclad in Britain, but if enough angry Brits stormed Buckingham Palace with signs calling Charles a wanker, that might make a convincing argument. An Act of Parliament could overturn the succession. Prince William would be king.

Keep in mind that the British Monarch is basically a tourist attraction - Donald Duck at Disneyland. Sure some of the perks are cool - the bogus supplication is probably fun to watch and you don't have to worry about accidentally leaving your debit card in the ATM machine --- but the position itself must be frustrating, because no one really takes you that seriously. That includes your Prime Minister, your Parliament, most of your subjects and practically everybody else in the world except foreign tourists, usually the goofy ones who wear socks with sandals and take too many photos of each other standing in front of random buildings and insignificant shrubbery.

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John Blumenthal has been a professional comedy writer for 25 years. A former associate editor and columnist at Playboy Magazine (following a short stint at Esquire), he's written 8 books and 2 produced movies. His films include "Short Time," (major (more...)

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