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From Mike Malloy Website

From youtube.com: Sexual Harassment {MID-197311}
Sexual Harassment
(Image by YouTube, Channel: Branigan Robertson)
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Hi Truthseekers, it's Kathy. Like virtually every other woman I know I was also the victim of sexual harassment, and also of sexual abuse. The abuse occurred three times, by three different men.

The first was a teenage lifeguard at the YMCA where I took swim lessons. When I was 10 he convinced me to follow him to the storage space behind the pool, pushed me against a wall and tried to get his hands under the crotch of my bathing suit. I slid down to the floor and slipped out under his legs and ran to the girl's locker room. I sat there, scared, heart beating out of my chest, confused, not sure what to do. So I just got dressed and went outside and waited for my mom to pick me up as usual. No, I didn't tell anybody. I didn't even know what to say, we didn't have sex ed in school in Atlanta in the 70s and we didn't talk about stranger danger or inappropriate touching. I wasn't even sure it was sexual.

The next time it happened was three years later when I was 13, my daughter Molly's age now. My parents were divorced, Dad lived in Colorado and mom had sole custody of me, her only child. I was an early bloomer, as my grandmother used to say. I was already 5'5 and "developed" and was often mistaken for a high school or college student. I was used to teenage boys asking me out, which was kinda thrilling. One of these boys was 17 and in a band and I had a serious crush, but that's all it was.

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I used to ride my bike to hang out at a nearby video arcade, honing my fierce Galaga, Asteroids, and Dig Dug skills. The arcade manager was a man in his early 40s. He used to play games with us kids, and his favorites used to get a handful of free game tokens every once in awhile. I loved free tokens and made sure I was a favorite. He talked to me a lot, about his time in Vietnam, the 60s, his favorite bands. He told silly jokes, he was a fun guy -- like one of us kids. He started treating me like a junior manager of the arcade. I got to empty and reset the machines, and I always had a pocketful of free tokens for my own use, which I then doled out to my buddies like free, secret candy. Boy, that was fun, that was power.

I'm sure by now you're guessing the rest. One day, after a few months of this friendship, I was helping him straighten up the stools and wiping down the machines before closing. I soon realized the place was empty and we were alone. My radar was nonexistent at that age, so I just finished up my little self-imposed chores and started to walk to the door for the bike ride home. When I turned to tell him goodbye he was right behind me. He put his hands on my face and said "You know how I feel about you, don't you? You must. I love you, Kathy." Bam. Next thing I knew he was kissing me. I was too shocked to move at first. It took a second or two to move away, but when I did he immediately started apologizing, then crying, then telling me how hard it's been for him to have me there every day and not tell me how he felt. He was literally on his knees in the middle of this empty arcade breaking down in front of me, a 13-year-old 8th grader.

Looking back on this through the lens of time, I know he was a very sick man. He molested me. He was a pedophile, but I didn't know that word then. All I knew was that he was my friend, he kissed me, and now he was crying and somehow I felt responsible for that. So I started apologizing myself, telling him I was sorry he felt like this, and that I wasn't angry or upset, that it was okay and we could still be friends. That was my mistaken mindset at the time. I really did feel like I must have done something to make him feel like that.

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Believe it or not, I still hung out at the arcade. I wasn't afraid of him, if anything I felt sorry for him. And I could tell he felt sorry about the whole incident, too. Besides, I liked the little adolescent power trip I had going on there, it was cool to be the Token Queen. What is harder to believe -- and what cost me a few years of therapy -- is that I told my mother the whole story and she didn't do anything. In fact she seemed to take it as a point of pride, that her daughter was just that darned attractive. She gave me a little talk about how I was "wise beyond my years" and so mature looking and acting and that I always carried myself like I was much older. So I was right -- his kissing me was my fault.

I'll save the rest of this tale for the book I'll probably never write, but let's just say I realized then that I was on my own where this kind of attention was concerned.

The third situation happened the next year when I was 14. My life-long best friend, who was like my big sister, had just been killed riding on the back of a motorcycle. Her boyfriend turned a corner too fast and hit a curb, throwing her over the handlebars and 30 feet in the air before she landed with such a force her skull shattered inside the helmet. She was 16. A ballet dancer, honor student, and in an early-acceptance nursing school program. I was in shock, it truly felt like my sister had died. Her mother was devastated, too, as was her little sister. Her mother (who was my mom's best friend) had remarried a had a two-year-old son, which meant there was a stepdad. A police officer, actually.

After her death the family couldn't bear to live in the house anymore, so mom and I went to help them pack and clean up. Summertime in Atlanta, I was wearing shorts. Stepdad and I were working to pack up boxes in the living room when I suddenly heard a loud mechanical noise and felt something slide up the back of my thigh and grab hold of my panties. The stepdad had run a DustBuster up my leg and was "vacuuming" my underwear with sick grin on his face. "You looked dirty" he shrugged, then turned it off and resumed taping boxes. I left the room, but didn't tell anybody. What was the point? His wife was virtually comatose with grief, my mother wasn't feeling much better -- and had not been very sympathetic with the arcade manager the year before -- so I chucked it up to "just another one of those things" and went about my day.

Then there was the much older (in his 70s) family friend who used to joke that he was going to run off with me and make me his mistress (I was 13). He would playfully swat my bottom in front of God and everybody, even in restaurants. Nobody blinked. There was a 9th grade math teacher who liked to hug me a little too much, and said he liked my perfume. When I got older and started working, it just kept going, it was almost always verbal and I always shrugged it off. The skinny sales rep where I answered the phones who used to wink at me and say he could "tear me apart with his razor-sharp hips." The head chef where I was a waitress who made lewd comments about how I should be working at Hooters instead of this French bistro. Boy, I could triple my tips there in half the time. When I called him an a**hole he became offended -- hey, he was just paying me a compliment! "What's wrong with you, baby?!"

Countless comments, innuendo, and objectification, from various adult men in positions of power, or co-workers, or restaurant customers -- even an attempted date rape -- over more than a decade before I realized that behavior wasn't normal, wasn't acceptable, and shouldn't be tolerated. I wasn't "asking for it" because I had a precocious adolescence, or wore shorts, or lipstick and mascara, or perfume, or let my date buy my dinner. And I'd like to think I'm reasonably intelligent with a clear moral compass and strong self esteem. Yet still it took that many individual occurrences over years and years of my life to achieve that hindsight realization. And I'm hardly unique. Almost every women I know tells a version of this story.

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So yeah, me too. Maybe you, too. Or your mother or sister or wife or daughter. I'm writing this now because I hope it sheds light on the mindset of girls who might wait years -- or decades -- to speak the truth about their past. It may have taken them a long time to even identify the abuse. The first time I was molested I didn't even understand what happened. The second time I felt responsible and guilty. The third I just accepted that this is how some men behaved, it was to be expected. Some guys are just jerks. That remained my thinking until I was in my late-20s. It took me that long to realize that men have no right to touch a woman without her permission under any circumstances. Nor any justification for the sexual comments, so-called "jokes," or lewd suggestions, no matter what cretin sits in the White House and gets away with it.

Maybe, just maybe these grown women who are now speaking out about decades-old incidents really don't have a secret political motive or other hidden agenda. And maybe they're not making it all up, or exaggerating. Remember Anita Hill? That wasn't so long ago. Look how she was vilified when she came forward about Clarence Thomas and his Long Dong Silver fetishes. Maybe it just took this long for these women to change the way they view their own civil rights and value as human beings. And for society to change as well. Today there are systems in place to report workplace abuse that didn't exist 30 years ago. And, at long last, attitudes about women's privacy rights have changed and been codified in law.

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Kathy never expected a career in radio as a talk show producer. Born and raised in Atlanta, Georgia, Kathy was completing her nursing degree when in 2001 - in an emergency - she was asked to fill in as the producer of Mike's program. Within a few (more...)
 

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gunnar kullenberg

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...yes, you too!

Submitted on Wednesday, Nov 22, 2017 at 5:34:57 PM

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KurtB

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In the late 1979's I was working in a mid-size manufacturing firm and had a friend who worked in the office. He told me about an incident he witnessed. A cute receptionist would have to walk to the back of the office to use the copier. A guy whose desk was near my friends would whistle and wink at the girl. One day when she walked past the guy he said "I'd like to get in your pants." Without missing a beat, the girl said "why, did you sh*t in yours?"

Everyone in the immediate vicinity heard it and started laughing. The guy was so embarrassed he quite soon after.

The gal sure knew how to handle the situation.

Submitted on Wednesday, Nov 22, 2017 at 5:39:07 PM

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b. sadie bailey

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Yep. Everything you said.

(reported) rape stats are horrifying; 4 out of every 10 boys/men, 6 out of every 10 girls/women.

But i never thought of all the verbal rapes, lewd comments, propositions, innuendoes, and how many creepy pedophiles there were, until you wrote this article. Women get worn down by this crap all of their lives, from girlhood on. In the workplace, especially in the trades, it's rampant. And if you won't comply, you're called a b*tch, a c-word, "frigid," a tease, a wh*re, a slutt - ETC. It's time for women AND men to speak out, no matter how long ago it was.

Submitted on Wednesday, Nov 22, 2017 at 5:43:43 PM

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Susan Lee Schwartz

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WOW.

Your honesty is dazzling. I have spoken at OEN of the harassment I suffered, but not of the assaults that allows me to say #Me,Too. it is still to painful and traumatic... I was only 16.

But I am posting many of the articles on this subject which I find, because there are many voices. Here is one: She makes many points, but this one rings true for me.: Even if He Didn't Hurt You, That Doesn't Mean He's Innocent - VICE "There's a nonzero chance that any woman--any person--knows someone who has sexually abused someone else. (One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped during their lifetimes, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center.) They might be generally kind to the people they don't abuse or harass. Like Franken, they might pursue laudable goals that benefit women in general. They have people who love them. Those people may still love them despite the horrible things they have done, or, like Silverman, they may feel conflicted.

As more and more alleged predators are outed, there are going to be many, many people stunned by the accusations against their friends and family. But that doesn't mean they should come out and stand publicly with the accused. As Silverman said, "The only people that matter are the victims."A man not behaving inappropriately with you does not preclude him from behaving inappropriately with other women. This letter is not a testament to Franken's character, nor is it a legitimate refutation of Tweeden or Menz's claims. Rather, it's a demonstration of what it looks like to be complicit, to provide cover for someone because they were a good person in your presence."

and then there is this by Charles Blow:

"It is impossible to say too often or loudly how important a moment this is, when many women feel brave and empowered enough to speak up about being sexually assaulted or harassed by powerful men.

"It feels like a watershed, like something is fundamentally shifting.

But the greatest measure of fundamental change will be when everyday offenses by everyday people are also named and shamed, the trickle down of speaking up.

"For most women, the perpetrator is not a Hollywood executive, or a sitting senator or an esteemed journalist. For most, there will be no press conferences if they come forward. There will be no celebrity attorney to sit at their sides and stroke their hands. There will be no morning news shows to praise their courage.

For most, the decision to speak up will still feel fraught and without sufficient benefit to outweigh the possibility of negative repercussions.

That is where the majority of this battle must be waged, among the ordinary, the powerless, the invisible. These women (and some men as well, it must always be noted) are the true Silent Majority of victims.

"But I believe that something far more fundamental has to take place. We have to re-examine our toxic, privileged, encroaching masculinity itself. And yes, that also means on some level reimagining the rules of attraction".more""

Submitted on Wednesday, Nov 22, 2017 at 6:43:26 PM

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Susan, thanks for the link to Even if He Didn't Hurt You, That Doesn't Mean He's Innocent , it was excellent. And I agree with Charlie, "It feels like a watershed, like something is fundamentally shifting."...yep. And it;s about time.

Submitted on Thursday, Nov 23, 2017 at 3:03:03 AM

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Susan Lee Schwartz

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It worries me, the the media will jump on the 'stories.' When the moment is about MALE POWER over what happens to women, especially in the workplace.


There is a bi difference between harassment and abuse of any kind, and there is also simple social awkwardness and foolishness, that does not need to be published. It will backfire on women if men begin to feel targeted. You can see it in the discussion about Franken.

Submitted on Thursday, Nov 23, 2017 at 3:44:35 AM

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Lee Beacham

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Over the last several days, I've (and my wife) canvased the women in our family and circle (all in person, we don't do Facebook et al) about sexual harassment and worse. We're in our 60's and the women are 35 to 70. My wife has 5 sisters. No on remembers or recants anything like we are reading and watching on the news. Teenage experimentation and unlikable bosses, yes. Everyone is working class and most high school ended education. My wife always (35 years) worked for dentist. We moved a lot because of my career and she was never unemployed. She did know of a few of the dentists fooled around. Wrong but consensual. I always trusted my wife. Never suspected she would or could cheat and visa-versa. Everyone in the news now is either rich, powerful or both. I suspect so many women are attracted to this type, some men with money and no morals have been trained to think all women think alike. I'd forget the sex part and concentrate on the misuse of company and public resources, money and time, used to chase and attract these gold diggers during working hrs. I start by arresting Rep. John Conyers. He has stolen resources from the Federal Government. Which is all tax payers. Lock him up with his wife.

Submitted on Thursday, Nov 23, 2017 at 3:16:00 AM

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Susan Lee Schwartz

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When I was 19, my father died, and I took a job in a dentists office..in 1961.


I cleaned the instruments, prepared amalgams, and developed the x-rays.

one day, when I was in the dark room, he rubbed up against me and began to fondle my breast. I turned on the light, and ruined the X-rays. HE WAS FURIOUS, "why did you do that ,"he screamed.


Ask your daughter" I replied and I grabbed my things and left.

She was also ,19!


The experienced I have had, and so have many of the beautiful women that I know-- are TYPICAL. IT has nothing to do with education, or wealth, or profession. Too many men just give themselves permission!


And that was way back, before women hooked up.


This is a very complicated moment.

Submitted on Thursday, Nov 23, 2017 at 3:50:05 AM

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Lee Beacham

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I agree there are many stories. I felt the need to tell mine and my wife's in abbreviated form. Your early dental experience is interesting. I met my wife as a new patient in 1973. Two lives changed by an unseen manipulator. She was 22. Me, 19. She was tired of the single scene and partying and I had previously dropped out of H.S. and felt I was not "dateable". I hatched a plan to become more interesting and took scuba dive lessons and bought a boat. Fast forward: On my first time visit at a dental office near my job, I sat down in the chair and the most beautiful girl I ever saw asked my questions about me. I was able to use the line "I scuba-dive" for the first time when asked did I have a hobby. She beamed impressed. I later learned her assistant duties required her to make new patients become repeat ones. I asked her for a date on the lake in my boat (first time I ever asked a girl I didn't know for a date) and she said no. A third appointment was needed before she accepted. She liked boats. We had both impressed the other in different ways. A year later we married. Only a higher power can put two people together like this. Of course, I've always made sure not to be without a boat as insurance.

Janice has always been beautiful. She and I have known through the years people who get entangled in all sorts of illicit sexual situations. We've never figured out why some of our friends and co-workers fell prey to bad decisions and we didn't. We've learned there's no one reason. But outside of physical rape, it takes two to tango. You did the right thing when he did the wrong one. Such is life.

As for current news of well known people, I say if we don't run John Conyers out of congress and into the purgatory he deserves (based on media reports) we have no hope to change anything. He's ground zero in an arena the public has full control of. And I bet there's more to know about his ability to have gotten away with this criminal abuse of his public office. If the media continues to equate unwanted groping and leering 40 years ago in Moore's case with openly known misuse of public power and resources then we have a worse enemy than sexual deviants. My opinion.

Submitted on Thursday, Nov 23, 2017 at 2:28:14 PM

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eesabi

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Reply to Lee Beacham:   New Content

Writing off anything short of rape as "it takes two to tango" just further perpetuates the problem. :(



Submitted on Friday, Nov 24, 2017 at 7:19:55 PM

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Susan Lee Schwartz

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You said: You did the right thing when he did the wrong one. Such is life."

It is obvious that you have expressed a sincere opinion, but if you want women to say "hey, it is way it is, get over it when you lose that job because the boos rubs his dick against you every time he passes, or you report abuse, THEN YOU ARE TRULY CLUELESS.

YOU sir, reflect the REASON this is a WATERSHED MOMENT.

You also say something that is true, and puts the spotlight on this moment.

"If the media continues to equate unwanted groping and leering."

There is a world of difference between stupid social behavior and BOTH, ABUSE AND HARASSMENT, but he media loves drama, and this gives them chills. So they push every story, which confuses the conversation by conflating foolish behavior with criminal offense.

This hurts good men, and infuriates them and makes our people choose sides. "You're a woman, so you re on their side!"

AGGGGH.

I have 2 sons, and 2 grandsons, and I hate to think that the media emboldens females to use accusations to hurt men. But I have 2 very lovely granddaughters who although they are 14, look like they are 20, and I fear for them.

THIS makes it all the more urgent for this subject to be addressed, and not related to the media circus, which is forgotten.. Years from now, we should not be able to observe the that nothing has changed! I do not want to hear: "Gee. Do you remember when the ISSUE of MALE POWER over the lives of women was front page." I hope we won't be hear: "Hey, it was a long time ago, FOGEDABOUDIT-!"

THAT IS THE ISSUE , SIR!

This ain't about Moore, who molested young girls 40 years ago and who now says "its their word against mine; ya know: He-says-she-says"... and has on his side, a sexual predator in the white house. (We all know the many cases the HE SETTLED. He should be in jail, but he's a 'star' and is allowed "to grab females ... Just can't help himself...)

It is about the fact that a predator sees a predator as President, and thinks that he himself belongs in CONGRESS! This is about the reality and that too many men feel so empowered and privileged -- to do as they please! He got away with it. That is enough of a reward.

AND SIR, FYI-- your personal experience informs your opinion, and I respect this 'entitlement' to express how you feel, HOWEVER IT IS IRRELEVANT. No one is entitled to change the FACTS!

eesabi got it right... YOU ACTUALLY WROTE , HERE AT OEN: "it takes two to tango!

" Wait! WTF? Boy you sure think you know something, but that is as clueless as it goes!

Submitted on Friday, Nov 24, 2017 at 9:30:29 PM

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Lee Beacham

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"it takes two to tango!"

"Wait! WTF? Boy you sure think you know something, but that is as clueless as it goes!"

WTF is crude and lowbrow slang for a woman. And what's with describing girls age 14 but they look 20? I assume you mean they want to look 20. That's part of the problem. Sadly, I suspect this whole subject is politically fueled. Women are different than men and need to know it. They are not equal in some ways but are better in many ways. It's a personal responsibility for women to keep their radar up and don't become victims. If a man goes to far then we already have legal recourse and lawful protections. Mothers, teach your girls how to be safe and fathers lead by example for sons to learn. It's always been this way and always will. The present situations we are discussing is all fallout from the 60's and 70's when women decided they wanted their cake and eat it too.

Submitted on Friday, Nov 24, 2017 at 11:08:09 PM

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Susan Lee Schwartz

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Oh. I see. when arguing, you attack! I gave you too much credit, but instead of dealing with the reality of what I said, you tell me, first, that the contemporary comment that I made is for" low brow women" IN YOUR OPINION (again). Yeah , that's ,me!


Then you DEFINE YOURSELF --who you REALLY are-- with this 'alternative fact': this conversation "is all fallout from the 60's and 70's when women decided they wanted their cake and eat it too., which is strictly your opinion and has no basis in any reality.


"Then you offer this chestnut: "Women are different than men and need to know it." WE GALS NEED TO KNOW IT? hahahahahahah !


This whole conversation out there, is about how men show women exactly how 'different' they are, in status and in the deserving of respect.


If all that was not indicative of your blindness, "And what's with describing girls age 14 but they look 20?"


You are really clueless about the reality of early puberty in this decade.

But then, you do not work in middle school or high school, where the truth is before your eyes... but even then, you would be unconvinced of the truth, and be of the same opinion yet,! You would see that girls are 'asking for it' because they wear fashions and make-up that was once the province of older women... regretted by advertising --something that sociologists have noted, also.


Hey, Meech, you need to rant such nonsense at a social blog where other misogynists will applaud, but this is a news-site where arguments need to have some basis in reality.


Oh... and do not expect any replies from me. I gave you too much credit the first time! Jaciee Feazell and others who write here, do a good enough job of or expelling WUZ UP!

Submitted on Friday, Nov 24, 2017 at 11:50:17 PM

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Lee Beacham

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Reply to Susan Lee Schwartz:   New Content

"Hey, Meech, you need to rant such nonsense at a social blog where other misogynists will applaud, but this is a news-site where arguments need to have some basis in reality."

Backward as I am, I made it through life just fine, ever goal reached. I suspect you too. I guarantee the generations behind will too, one way or the other. If we're to be come a Socialist State with protections against human nature (good and bad) and continue the slide away from personal responsibility, at least I've lived in the golden age of America.

As for social media being home from reality, what are you drinking? Social media is the home of the contrived and personal reality. I say reality is what we think, see, read and do. Everybody has a reality, some are just better than others. It's what separates use into good and bad, productive and lazy. What else can we be? Millennials I guess.

Submitted on Saturday, Nov 25, 2017 at 10:12:05 PM

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Jackie Feazell

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(Member since Jan 20, 2010), 2 fans, 210 comments


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  New Content

It's hard to imagine a girl or woman exists who has not been harassed both verbally and through inappropriate touching. It begins in childhood and occurs so frequently it is considered the norm. Watch Laura Bates' excellent TED talk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhjsRjC6B8U - she clarifies this perfectly.

I could fill a book with stories of unwanted male 'attention', often claimed to be 'a compliment', and feel lucky that i've not been raped (yet, i'm still alive, it's still possible and a fear women are forced to live with). All four of my sisters have been, and when i asked one why she thought i escaped she said, without hesitation, because you'd have talked. I was always a blabbermouth and indignantly feminist even as a girl. So i think it's great women are speaking up and i hope it goes on and on and on until men get a grip and cut it out. That's the change that needs to happen - men, and boys, have to realize their 'attention' is not complimentary, it is not wanted, it is sexual abuse, and understand their desire is not usually ours and they need to learn self-control and responsibility. People like to say not all men are like that but my experiences say yes, they are. I know exactly one man who would shock me if he sexually abused someone. That's pretty f-ing sad.

Submitted on Friday, Nov 24, 2017 at 4:50:30 AM

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