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OpEdNews Op Eds    H1'ed 9/21/21

Gabby Petito: A Young Life, an Early Death and Abuse

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FBI-Gabrielle Petito.
FBI-Gabrielle Petito.
(Image by Wikipedia (commons.wikimedia.org), Author: C. Schneider)
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Julie Perkins Cantrell is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling novelist who posted "Important Lessons Learned from Gabby and Brian" on her Facebook page.

She is referring to Gabby Petito, 22, who disappeared a couple of weeks ago while on a cross-country road trip with her boyfriend, Brian Laundrie, 23. The couple was touring western national parks and Gabby had created a popular blog.

She had continued to be in contact with her parents, who reported her missing on Sept. 11 after not speaking with her for two weeks. They said her last couple of texts seemed unusual and they suspect she did not make them.

In addition, a 911 caller reported seeing Laundrie slapping Petito.

Laundrie returned home to his parents' house in Florida where the couple had lived. He came back in her van, alone, on Sept. 1. He and his parents have refused to cooperate with police. Laundrie left his parents' home with a backpack several days ago and has not been seen since.

According to ABC News, on Sunday, a body "'consistent with the description of' "Gabby Petito, the 22-year-old woman who went missing while on a cross-country road trip with her boyfriend, was discovered in the Bridger-Teton National Forest in Wyoming." [Edit Tues. Sept 21, 8 pm Eastern: ABC reported that the remains have been positively identified as Petito's, and her death has been ruled a homicide.]

Julie Perkins Cantrell offers a treasure trove of wisdom in her Facebook post. Whether or not she has all the details figured out accurately regarding this situation with Gabby, Cantrell certainly has nailed the pattern of abuse perfectly.

As she notes, she's been there. So have I. In retrospect, the pattern is unmistakable. Abuse of women is a natural component of toxic patriarchy, so natural that both the abuser and the abused often cannot identify nor understand the pattern they are stuck in.

Nevertheless, it's time for all of us to begin to wake up. Here's a generous nudge from Julie:

As an author and advocate for survivors of domestic violence, I've learned a lot about the predictable patterns of unhealthy relationships. After years of personal experiences, research, and outreach, I've learned to recognize the tell-tale signs of abuse. I am not a licensed therapist, social worker, police officer, or minister. So please understand I shared my thoughts as 3 a.m. musings. When a few people asked me to make the post public, I agreed, reluctantly. I had no idea this message would resonate with so many people. I've worked back through the original post to explain a bit better how I'm feeling. I realize not everyone will agree with me, and I respect all opinions and views. All I ask is that we engage in respectful discourse on all sides. Thank you all.

In recent days, the tragic events involving Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie have given us a lot to learn. This case is still under investigation, and I can only make assumptions based on the textbook patterns of abuse I've witnessed too many times to count. I also recognize that multiple families are grieving, and I have tremendous empathy for everyone involved. However, many survivors will resonate with at least some of the following insights, and I'm hoping we can use this tragedy to shift the way we as a culture approach the complicated issue of domestic abuse.

Let's examine 30 important lessons this couple teaches us:

1. Followers on social media saw a smiling, happy couple, full of love and wanderlust, setting out for a cross-country adventure while documenting all the joys of young life. In many cases, targets become very good at smiling through the pain.

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Meryl Ann Butler is an artist, author, educator and OpedNews Managing Editor who has been actively engaged in utilizing the arts as stepping-stones toward joy-filled wellbeing since she was a hippie. She began writing for OpEdNews in Feb, 2004. She became a Senior Editor in August 2012 and Managing Editor in January, (more...)
 

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Meryl Ann Butler

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Police body camera footage captured a visibly distraught Gabrielle "Gabby" Petito and her fiance' after an alleged physical altercation between them on a cross-country road trip in Utah.

Submitted on Tuesday, Sep 21, 2021 at 1:13:36 PM

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Lance Ciepiela

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'A rueful National Park ranger, weeks after warning Petito about the dangers of a "toxic" relationship with her boyfriend, said she now wonders if a more forceful message was needed when the two crossed paths last month'.

Submitted on Tuesday, Sep 21, 2021 at 7:09:14 PM

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Meryl Ann Butler

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Good catch - alas, sadly, one message, no matter how forceful, doesn't usually stop the whole pattern...

Submitted on Tuesday, Sep 21, 2021 at 7:54:04 PM

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Very well written and well thought out. Thanks

Submitted on Wednesday, Sep 22, 2021 at 8:07:06 AM

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Martha Rosenberg

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Here is a little more about the root causes Click Here

Submitted on Wednesday, Sep 22, 2021 at 8:21:18 AM

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Meryl Ann Butler

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Thanks for the link to your great article, Martha!

Submitted on Wednesday, Sep 22, 2021 at 9:18:00 AM

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This article reads, practically word for word, number for number exactly like my journal from my 6-year marriage to one of these creatures, prior to my knowing anything at all about him, which I finally discovered in profound technicolor reality during my last RV adventure with him, though I suspected it all along, and blamed myself.

This is definitely a pattern, almost as if it is being brought down like a veil upon all of humanity, a veil of evil manifested through human relationship psychology. Even as I experienced each of these things he did to me, I never suspected. I thought he had a brain tumor or something.

In the end he tried to kill me, but I was rescued by his two new girlfriends. But, though they did not wish me dead, they were totally on his side in demonizing me. Therefore, I was instead left in the desert, alone, with no money, my pickup truck with one gallon of gas and about a quarter of a tank of fresh water, while he drove away with his new replacement target. And thus he remained the longsuffering hero, the poor abused husband, never to be seen again. Disappeared.

That was ten years ago. And I am still recovering, though I feel I will actually never recover, only ever get used to it. Thanks for the opportunity to speak of this in public, as I never have before. It was the phenomenal similarities twixt Gabby and me that compelled me to share.

Submitted on Wednesday, Sep 22, 2021 at 3:41:54 PM

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Meryl Ann Butler

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Thank you so much for sharing, these situations are so much more common than most people realize. The big trigger, which I also noticed in my life, was that the moment the woman starts coming into her own power - like Gabby did with the increasing success of her blog -- that the partner feels his power over her slipping away, and resorts to violence. I am hoping we can all work together in healing this plague on society, and as we do that, I believe individuals will experience more and more healing. Sending hugs...

Submitted on Thursday, Sep 23, 2021 at 11:19:59 AM

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To me, I strongly sensed that she was the one being abused when I saw that video, just the visceral expressions of her face and body language. So, I had the opposite impression of the police apparently did, though I read a report by a female police officer who was there and said that she had tried to get her away from him. This, in fact, is just another example of a situation where a mental health professional could've save a life.

Submitted on Wednesday, Sep 22, 2021 at 9:04:12 PM

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Meryl Ann Butler

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Yes, I agree, mental health professionals can contribute to individual people's situation, and I also think we all need to work on a way to shift society so that it doesn't make abuse of women and children so easy.

Submitted on Thursday, Sep 23, 2021 at 11:22:03 AM

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