18. After Petito was reported missing, many people expressed shock in response to the Laundrie family's refusal to cooperate early in the investigation. Petito reportedly lived with the Laundrie family for more than a year. Anyone can see that this family will do anything to protect their son, even at the cost of an innocent young woman who was a real part of their family and soon to be their daughter-in-law. While most of us can certainly understand parents wanting to protect their son, most would agree they crossed a moral line when his fiance'e went missing.
19. But perhaps it goes deeper than that. Perhaps what we're seeing is a system of enablers who not only allowed their son to abuse Petito (which may have been a factor in her reported anxiety) but also a system of gaslighters who may have always been shifting the truth to keep Petito confused and make her believe she was the problem.
20. It's not a far stretch to assume Petito was caught in a system of abuse. And once a target is caught in that psychological web, it's extremely difficult to see a way out. Reality becomes flipped.
21. It's also worth noting that Petito and Laundrie had been involved in various levels of a relationship since their teens. This is also commonly observed in dysfunctional partnerships.
22. These immature relationships work beautifully when both partners grow together and mature emotionally. But when one wants to keep the other down, naà ¯ve, and under his control " and the other is growing, learning, and maturing " it doesn't work.
23. We hear Petito tell the officer that Laundrie didn't think she could succeed with her travel blog (3.25). It seems clear that he didn't believe in her and that he was trying to make her doubt herself.
24. Throughout the conversation, he implies that he locked her out of the van because she wouldn't calm down. But when we listen to the full video, it seems he was upset because they'd spent too much time at the coffee shop with her working on her website when he wanted to go hiking. This suggests that because she wasn't in the van when he was ready to leave, he lost his temper.
25. In the moments that followed, the altercation became physical. Reportedly, Laundrie squeezed Petito's face with his hand, cut her down verbally, and criticized her.
26. Some would argue that this escalating abuse typically persists until the target reacts emotionally and/or physically. If this case follows the norm, Laundrie may have been trying to break her spirit, intentionally.
27. Why? Again, if this case follows the typical situation, it would likely be because Petito's focus wasn't 100% on Laundrie. She had found this new job she enjoyed. She was succeeding at it, and it was allowing her to connect with other people. (Remember, she'd already left her job as a nutritionist to travel around the country with Laundrie.)
28. In a healthy relationship, the new job might be considered a positive opportunity for Petito. Especially considering Laundrie admits they have very little money (not even enough to afford a hotel room to prevent his fiance'e from going to jail). But in an unhealthy relationship, the abuser wants the target all to himself. And when that doesn't happen, he can become increasingly violent.
29. Petito now had this one little piece of her life that Laundrie couldn't control, so if we're looking at textbook patterns, perhaps her blog angered him. Perhaps he didn't like all the attention she was getting on social media. Perhaps he punished her for it. And then a cycle developed. Even though she was doing nothing wrong by building a new career.
30. The next thing we know, we have a missing person, a recovered body, a young man on the run, and several families destroyed. Too much grief to measure. And the truth is, it will happen again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, until we learn to recognize and respond to abusive situations in healthier ways.
The overall takeaway?
When we see someone at her emotional end during a domestic dispute, we shouldn't assume she's crazy. We shouldn't buy into the false narrative given by the abuser. We shouldn't believe the cover-up story by the target who has been conditioned to carry all the blame and shame. And we shouldn't assume they're going to be okay.
Instead, we should all learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. We should learn to recognize the warning signs of abuse. We should engage in respectful, fact-based conversations about trauma bonds, abusive cycles, and emotional intelligence. We should be familiar with terms like gaslighting, hovering, love bombing, enabling, triangulating, and projecting. We should stop blaming targets and help them reclaim their truth. And we should stop repeating the age-old myths that keep targets trapped in these dangerous and all-too-often deadly cycles.
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
2
2
1
