Doublethink

"The hotel-hopping went on for nearly two months, until Bob found a 1,200-square-foot two-bedroom house for rent on Craigslist in a nearby subdivision where most of the homes had been lost to foreclosure. In other words: cheap and very few neighbors.

"There, the family formalized new security protocols. They watched the movie Argo to learn how to live like CIA. Code names for everyone. No mail delivered to the house. No visitors. No talking to the few neighbors they had. No long phone conversations -- keep it short and vague to outwit surveillance. Never discuss your whereabouts via phone or text. Keep a weapon close by at all times. Robert slept with his gun. Still does.

"And in case someone -- or multiple someones -- decided to mount an attack on the house, the Zimmermans pre-packed their own 'go-bags' filled with everything they would need to flee in a rush, as well as what they called 'footballs' -- like the one President Obama has with the nuclear codes -- that contained laptops, cell phones, and other essential electronics.

"They also memorized a color-coded threat-ID system. Code blue: Law enforcement at the door. Code brown: Draw your weapons. Code black: Come out guns blazing."

Come out guns blazing. Would they be "Z" guns, perhaps? The article continues, going on to describe the incredibly bizarre existence they have carved out for themselves. The sad truth is, they would probably make a compelling reality TV family. They are certainly loonier than Honey Boo Boo and more gung-ho for guns than the Duck Dynasty tribe.

Read it, it's better than fiction.