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To All Contractors for Chaos: Who Wants to Help with Iran Reconstruction?

By   Follow Me on Twitter     Message Kevin Gosztola       (Page 1 of 2 pages)     Permalink    (# of views)   3 comments

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While the military may be overstretched and unready, the corporations are ready for the next wave of major war profiteering---or sorry, I mean, business to take place. However, this administration may not get this war under way before they leave and it will be the job of the Democrats under Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama to find the help needed to maintain the Iran War in the same manner that the Iraq War has been handled so far. These contractors who get turned on by being in the middle of chaos are just the corporations to contact, Hillary or Barack, the first day one of you takes office because you don’t want to be without their support.


For all your reconstruction and troop support needs, there is Halliburton. CEO David Cesar, Lawrence Eagleburger, Pete Silas, Charles Dibona, and Kenneth Derr are all in a position to help you if you contact them. 


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And with what might you ask? Halliburton assists the U.S. government with the feeding of U.S. soldiers in Iraq. Every day the corporation lets them line up in a big giant line that any Iraqi insurgent could suicide bomb and kill hundreds of soldiers. The corporation believes this is more efficient than a 24 hour feeding schedule. Halliburton also takes care of deciding what equipment like computers is worth using. When it finds something that it is still fully functional but that does not need to be used, they throw it in a burning pit and claim it as a loss so they can continue to profit. In addition to all of the above, Halliburton sends its best men to drive around in Cadillac Escalades or SUVs that someone could buy for $45,000 in the U.S. but were purchased for $250,000 because that’s what Halliburton says they are worth. While in Iraq, Halliburton stays in all the best hotel resorts and by doing that is able to make major progress in reconstruction and rebuilding of Iraq for the civilians who would like to have their country stabilized.


Its subsidiary Kellogg Brown & Root comes with Halliburton if you ask Halliburton for help. It is a Halliburton “Mini Me.” And they are good at doing the troop’s laundry at a price of $99 dollars per load. After it is done, the clothing is still grimy and most will want to do just do it in the sink from now on instead of involving KBR. But think again. Soldiers are not allowed to do that because the grime is necessary for survival in Iraq. The grime creates a lining that takes the place of body armor that troops do not have. KBR and Halliburton also provide extra safe and secure moldy tents that cause respiratory infections. The troops use these respiratory infections to infect the Iraqi insurgents and that is how the company contributes to the war effort.

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The two, Halliburton & KBR, also are primo when it comes to water treatment. Together, they run 67 wastewater treatment plants in Iraq and 63 of them do not provide safe water. Halliburton knows it can’t take any chances. If an Iraqi terrorist drinks healthy water, that could mean our soldiers die from a deadly bombing. So, instead of dying, water with typhus, malaria, giardia, cryptosporidium, etc. are all pathogens the troops are exposed to. And it’s all okay because Halliburton scientists believe this keeps the soldiers on their toes and ready to take on attacks. They are even thinking about putting anthrax in the food since pathogens troops won’t be tested for are so helpful to the war effort.


Parsons does engineering and construction for the U.S. government in Iraq right now. Curtis A. Bower, C. Michael Armstrong, Molly Corbett Broad, Mark K. Holdsworth, Lawrence V. Jackson, William L. Kimsey, James S. Marlen, James F. McGovern, Admiral R.J “Zap” Zlatoper (Ret.), or CEO James F. McNulty can help you if you need engineering and construction for your war. They are good at disposing of weapon materials without bothering to care about where they are being disposed and also good at rebuilding hospitals, highways, and other big-ticket infrastructure.


DynCorp International does police training. So, when it comes time to try and stabilize the chaos your war has created you may want to hire these guys who actually may not even require you to stabilize the chaos. They work with the chaos and are doing it under a contract with the U.S. government for 1.5 billion. The group recently got the U.S. government to pay them 4.85 billion dollars to provide Arabic translators to the ongoing Iraq war effort.

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DynCorp joins Titan in the field of translators. DynCorp gets translators in no time because they do not test their translators and neither does Titan. The two crews believe in trusting who applies. All you have to do is say you speak Arabic and they will pay you millions to go over and enjoy fun, travel, and adventure in Iraq. And even better, as a worker for DynCorp, you can have all the sex you want with 12 to 15 year olds (no younger, no older).


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Kevin Gosztola is managing editor of Shadowproof Press. He also produces and co-hosts the weekly podcast, "Unauthorized Disclosure." He was an editor for

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