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OpEdNews Op Eds    H4'ed 2/1/10

How To Pass Healthcare Reform by Tomorrow

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Inform Sen. Max Baucus that his tax-funded healthcare policy will be replaced by a canine policy. From this point on, he will be treated only by veterinarians.

All anti-reform lobbyists and insurance company CEOs who have catastrophic diseases will be encouraged to die.

Any officer of any bailed-out bank. who receives a bonus will pay ten times that amount to Medicare, after which he will be required to cross the San Diego Freeway blindfolded.

Until they vote to pass healthcare reform, all Senators and Congresspersons will be required to buy overpriced HMO policies from private sector insurance companies that reject all legitimate claims because of childhood illnesses such as rashes, hangnails and the desire to run for political office.

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John Blumenthal has been a professional comedy writer for 25 years. A former associate editor and columnist at Playboy Magazine (following a short stint at Esquire), he's written 8 books and 2 produced movies. His films include "Short Time," (major (more...)
 
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