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"Don't you never be callin' our President a scumbag boy!"

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President Washington
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"Don't you never be callin' our President a scumbag boy!" yelled the elderly owner of the local hardware store at the skinny kid standing at the desert table with six or seven other children standing around him, their cakes and cookies in their hands, waiting. The kid calmly turned towards the hardware store owner, "Well, he is, my Pa said it. He was tellin' me how to know a scumbag when he was tellin' me why that fella, Tin Draper, that stole that money from your store and put a bunch a hurt on Mrs. Draper was one."

"You hold your young tongue boy, The President ain't nothin' like Tin Draper, I don't care nothin' about what your Pa says," said the hardware store owner.

"My Pa never did say nothin' 'bout the President," said the boy.

"You jes said he did," said the hardware store owner.

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"No, he was warnin' me about not being a scumbag after he found me lyin' to my Momma," said the boy, "He said I didn't want to be a scumbag like Tin Draper."

"Son, you should not be talkin' about scumbags here, now -- we all just walked outta church," said the hardware store owner.
"Yes boy, you and your friends there jes go on and eat your cake," said the preacher, "Where is your Daddy today anyway?"

"Fishin'," said the boy.

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"Uh huh," said the preacher.

"Well, Zach, just what did your Daddy say to you about Tin Draper?" asked the librarian.

"Now Essie, don't go and stir this all up," said the hardware store owner.

"I don't intend to stir anything up. I just want to make an observation. I do believe that Tin Draper is in the State Penitentiary, is he not?" said the librarian.

"Yes Mam he is," said the boy.

"Ok, Ok we all know all about Tin Draper." said the preacher.

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"No, ya don't," said the boy, "Ya'll know he stole from Mr. Gilchrist down at the hardware store, but my Pa said that he's even worse than that, that he's mean to women, that he would make fun of how Mrs. Tuttle walks with them braces, that he called my Momma names in the Grocery store one time even, that he cheated on tests in school..."

"Stop it boy, I mean it!" said Mr. Gilchrist.

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Kevin is (writing about yourself in the third person (illeism) is a trip) an artist/writer/carpenter and frustrated songwriter living in Johnson City, Texas. His latest frustrating songwriting attempt is titled, "I Touched the Hand That Touched (more...)
 

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