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Closin' Time

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Remember this?  It's from a news conference Sen.Clinton held the day Sen.Obama won the Wyoming caucuses last March. “Senator McCain will bring a lifetime of experience to the campaign," she said. "I will bring a lifetime of experience and Senator Obama will bring a speech that he gave in 2002."  Now, that's kinda cheap and nasty, right?  

But, Sen. Clinton didn't stop with cheap and nasty. She continued: “I think that is a significant difference. I think that since we now know Senator McCain will be the nominee for the Republican Party, national security will be front and center in this election. We all know that. And I think it is imperative that each of us be able to demonstrate we can cross the commander-in-chief threshold. And I believe I have done that. Certainly, Senator McCain has done that. And you will have to ask Senator Obama with respect to his candidacy.”  

"And I believe I have done that." I hate to be the skunk at the picnic, but when has Sen. Clinton crossed "the commander-in-chief" threshold? And, second impertinence, what the hell is the "commander-in-chief threshold"? Third impertinence: If I believe in fairies and elves, does that mean the woods behind my house is teeming with fairies and elves?  

Anyway, the soon-to-be-completely-irrelevant Republican National Committee posted the press conference video at YouTube yesterday so all the country's twittering and confused ("What do we do now, Rush?! You said vote for Hillary and we did, Rush! And she's not the nominee, Rush! Help us, Rush! We are lost and scared, Rush! That man is a Negro, Rush! Is he going to kill us, Rush?")

Republicans can peek out from under their blankets and watch Hillary tell them Sen. McCain will surely save them now that she can't. Please, Sen. Clinton, give McCain a call. Tell him you're really a Republican and would he, pretty please, put you on his ticket. I mean, how long can he last, right? There's more than one way to get the presidency, right? Right?  

And last night. Oy, last night. Did you watch the speeches? McCain was in Kenner, LA., giving what I'm sure he thought was a really, really Inspirational Speech to a clutch of crackers and coon-asses who looked as though they were on a beer mission to the nearest 7-11 and wandered in the open door of wherever it was McCain was speaking.("Hey, goddam! Looka here! It's that bumpy-faced dude runnin' for governor! Let's see if'n they got some beer in here. C'mon!")  

Meanwhile, back in New York state, Hillary was asking a crowd that was near garment-rending hysteria the question all of us want to know, "What does Hillary want?" only it was bizarre hearing the question asked in the third person - as though she's not really Hillary at all but, rather, a troll dressed as Hillary, or maybe a golem running around asking what does Hillary want? What does Hillary want? She then said, "This has been a long campaign. And I will be making no decisions tonight. In the coming days, I will be consulting with party leaders to determine how to move forward."  Move forward?!

In the coming days ?!  


And, back in the real world where most of us live (not Republicans; they live in dark, damp, cobwebby places where they can hold tightly to their guns and their Bibles and ask Jeebus to make it all go away - especially that Negro man who may come to kill them) Sen. Obama was doing it again: Demonstrating before a live audience of thousands and a television audience of millions why our political system is not yet dead; hope has not yet been smashed to the ground; the future is not endless war, fear, and confusion - the mad snorts and ramblings of Senators Clinton and McCain to the contrary notwithstanding.  

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Mike Malloy is a former writer and producer for CNN (1984-87) and CNN-International (2000). His professional experience includes newspaper columnist and editor, writer, rock concert producer and actor. He is the only radio talk show host in America to have received the A.I.R (Achievement in Radio) Award in both (more...)
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