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Life Arts    H4'ed 1/23/10

Can We Please Stop Saying "Enjoy Your Day"?

By       (Page 1 of 2 pages)   3 comments

I know it's a meaningless pleasantry, an empty verbal gesture, a cloying alternative to a simple good-bye, but I may bite the nose off the next person who tells me to enjoy myday. Such an act of violence on my part would definitely compromise that person'sday, but it wouldcertainly improve mine.

And what about the word "enjoy"? Doesn't that mean different things to different people?For people with really dull lives, "enjoyable" may mean finding a dime on the sidewalk. For others, an enjoyable day might be defined as one in which theydon't wake up with a penile wart the size of a Milk Dud.

I'm especially delighted when my urologist's receptionist chirps this noxious phrase following the digital rectal exam her employer has just administered, thus causing me to walk bowlegged for the next six hours.

The post-colonoscopy "enjoy your day," is also just the thing I want to hear while I'm desperately wondering what it would feel like the take a crap in my pants because the industrial strength laxative hasn't worn off yet.

I am equally belligerent when it comes to the sister phrase "have a nice day." Same thing, different wording. Just as nauseating.

On most days, I wake up refreshed, take a hot shower, pop a Xanax, have a cup of French Roast and toddle off to work. Inother words, I'm already enjoying myday. That is, until some grinning idiot I've never laid eyes on before tells me to enjoy it, thus ruining it.

First of all, to my sensitive ears, it sounds a little like an order. Enjoy your day or what? Is there an Enjoy Your Day Gestapo that rounds up subversive non-enjoyers?

Is it up to a bank teller or a waitress to tell me to enjoy myday? If it were "I hope you enjoy your day,"I would stillgrowl to myself, but at least it would appear a little less" mandatory.

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John Blumenthal has been a professional comedy writer for 25 years. A former associate editor and columnist at Playboy Magazine (following a short stint at Esquire), he's written 8 books and 2 produced movies. His films include "Short Time," (major (more...)
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