"And yes Fate, the hand of God must have played into it all. So we can only control ourselves, not what's outside of us, no matter what any Nazi nurse or Bolshevik bastards do, don't let them control your inside....that is where we keep our destinies."
"Well, if these intricacies are planned by God, then He'd better get a new script, choreographer, and director otherwise count me out." she offered her review. "It doesn't require a Higher Being to hand out death. I could do it for him for half the price and I would make sure only those that deserved it would die, and suffer, if so deserved. I mean so far he's doing such a lousy job, I mean a whole camp just to get rid of one lousy nurse. Wasteful and stupid." And in the same breath Aunt Helen suddenly brought us all back from the dead. "Now why doesn't God do his extra special magic and finally give me a hand by which I can skunk this intellectual imposter sitting to my left. Deal Ivan."
Father deliberately picked up the cards and began shuffling. He watched Aunt Helen reach out her hand across the table and warmly clasp Mother's arm. Mother wiped her eyes and returned the supportive smile that Aunt Helen had so graciously offered.
The tune soon returned to the flow of numbers and bids as the card game continued. Sometimes, one of the players would start to hum, or whistle a familiar Ukrainian folk song. Almost always, someone else would join in. And as the cards passed through, everyone sitting at the table would soon joined in, softly singing the words.
As the game neared its conclusion the pace of laughter increased with hopeful bids being skunked for minus points. I let them play as I slid into repose.
All those years, I thought to myself, I could have had a brother. I tried to understand but there was no meaning to it all. I mean, I could have had had an older brother. Someone who could have shown me things, played with me, made things easier for me. I didn't fully understand what I had missed out on until that moment.
Granted he would have had to assume my roll, that of having to be the one heading first into any potentially shattering spaces but I would have helped him along the way. And he could have told me what was on his mind, unlike my imaginary characters who only spoke my words.
I quickly attained a longing for my missing brother's presence. A confused longing for something that not only had been denied me but had actually been taken away as an afterthought. It didn't matter that the revelation had come late, I yearned for all those years lost, and, I suddenly became lonely. Like an older person I wanted to cry out loud, but I made sure I didn't.
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