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Radiohead: Confessions of a RW Talk Radio Addict

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Message Peggy McCann
This is probably going to surprise a lot of you if you have read any of my stuff before, but I must admit to a rather morbid fascination with listening to talk radio. Not just any talk radio either, but the hard stuff, the porn of the industry. Right Wing Talk Radio.

Oh, I could argue that I'm trying to get the other side's opinion for ammunition, that I want to be able to answer their side with reasoned and informed commentary.

But it's not really true. It's more on the order of slowing down to look at a car accident I'm afraid. And in some ways you'd think that a lot of the amazing idiocy the hosts spout could BE an accident, but frighteningly it's not. they meant to say it.

First comes Neal Boortz on my radio. He's probably the most pompous and smug of them all, and he comes up with some really amazing facts. Did you all know that it's liberals that are preventing the Bush administration from catching Osama? Well I didn't until I was educated by Mr. Boortz. It goes something like this: if liberals wouldn't stop the Bush administration from killing lots and lots of civilians, we could have leveled towns and forced people to tell us where Bin Laden was. Don't bring up minor points of logic, like if you kill everyone, there will be no one left to talk to, that maybe Osama might not matter anymore after you create hundreds of clones with that sort of barbarism, and that perhaps people that are willing to fly planes into buildings and kill themselves might not scare too easily. Such concerns are evidently easily destroyed with anti common sense artillary.

The theme of the wimpy liberal is, of course, an immensely popular one. A substitute for Michael Savage not that long ago declared that we would be winning the war in Iraq if it weren't for us nutty peaceniks stopping W from waging the war correctly. He claimed that it's because we don't like conflict and that sometimes when a friend is behaving incorrectly you SHOULD confront him and tell him what he's doing wrong, therefore we should get harsher with Iraq. Maybe that's what they mean by compassionate conservatism, killing lots of people so that they will live a better and democratic life. "Sorry about that daughter of yours Abdul, but it's for your own good!" It gives a whole new perspective to the term "I love you to death" don't you think?

It should come as no shock that you have a lot of them, like Sean Hannity, claiming that Iraq REALLY REALLY is getting better. That violence is going down and they are all getting along swimmingly. And you know, when I think about it, sort of makes sense doesn't it. In fact, I hope they all hurry up and kill each other faster. Because when all the Iraqis are dead things will be pretty darn peaceful. No more sectarian violence at all!

And here you dopes thought Bush was a moron. You misunderestimated him again. He just didn't want to spoil the surprise. He's got a strategery afterall. Pacification through population liquidation. He kills lots, they kill a lot themselves. And once we stop whining about killing innocent people we can catch Osama too. See? RW talk radio is so edifying. I'll be happy to set you up with my pusher. Don't mainline the stuff though. Otherwise you'll start sounding like Ann Coulter, or even lamer, wearing t-shirts claiming to be Unofficial Homeland Security Agents. Pathetic AND stupid. You just can't get any worse than that.
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Peggy McCann is a mother and writer living in Greensboro, NC.
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