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OpEdNews Op Eds    H4'ed 6/4/20

The Brain Trust

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(Cannon and musket fire are heard on a black-box stage.)

(Child's voice) "... All men are created equal and they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights... that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness..."

(Battle sounds become infrequent. One final deep boom, then silence. Faint drum and fife accompany cheers. Then all falls silent.)

(A lone figure emerges from the inky black off Stage Left. He wears the garb of a Revolutionary War soldier, but the color and epaulets and sword signify that this is the embodiment of George Washington. He comes almost to Center Stage and stops. With a weary sigh, his thoughts are heard.)

Washington

"They said it couldn't be done."

(He scans the distance.)

"A democracy. Free from the tyranny of a self-indulgent emperor. Never again to be under the bootheel of a despot. Let Amercians breathe free and be known as a symbol of unity against oppression. Let the historians say 'here, this is where human expression can take hold'."

(Hands on hips, Washington surveys his work.)

(Another figure emerges from Upstage. He is clad in contemporary business attire. He respectfully approaches Washington.)

Obama

"Mr. President?"

Washington

"Oh. Bless my soul. Another to witness this moment."

"Have you seen the victory? The triumph of this new nation?"

Obama

"Most certainly. It was the bravest action that set the pace for this nation."

"Y'know... they named the capitol for you."

Washington

"Indeed?"

Obama

"Your face is on the currency."

Washington

"Oh. Dear. That sounds of idolatry and worship. I fought against that."

Obama

"Oh, you succeeded. For the most part..."

(Trump blusters his way in from Stage Right. He beelines to shove between the other two. He stops to consider Washington.)

Trump

"Hey. Ain't you the guy off the 20?"

(Washington cannot conceal his confusion at this affront.)

Trump

"I'm the greatest president that ever lived. Everybody says so."

(Trump sizes up Washington, then says...)

"Tell me... are you loyal to me?"

Trump

(sizes up Obama)

"Oh, yeah. You're the guy before me. Well, I improved the economy. You don't have to thank me."

Obama

"And you did it all without playing golf, didn't you?"

Trump

"That's right, I did it without playin' no golf. I did it all with my big brain. I have a really big brain. It's hard for me to keep the words in."

(Washington gestures perplexedly to Trump while looking at Obama.)

(Obama holds up a warning hand.)

(Obama clears his throat and asks Trump...)

Obama

"Say, have you met this man?"

(Obama gestures to Washington.)

Trump

"Sure, you were one of my donors, right? Which bank?"

(Obama and Washington exchange mute glances.)

"Did you get fired... uh, dismissed... when I suddenly 'lost faith' in you, like all those other whistleblowers?"

Washington

(softly)

"What hath God wrought?"

Trump

"God rot? Careful what you say there, fella. I can have sex with a pornstar and kill thousands of Americans and put millions out of work and the Christianians still worship me. If anybody even questions me, my very good people will protest you. Where do you live? I have nuclear missiles, y'know. Hey, who's your hair stylist?"

Obama

"Tell you what, let's get back to your accomplishments. Didn't you say you had the most transparent administration in history?"

Trump

"I was being sarcastic."

Obama

"Some 'nasty' 'bad guys' are saying that you might have dementia. Can I see your birth certificate?"

Trump

"What?"

Obama

"I said 'your federal tax returns'."

Trump

"I'd love to, but my lawyers have them and they're all in jail. Didja hear I won a Nobel Prize?"

Obama

(Grins that thousand-watt smile.)

"I think I heard about it on Fox News."

Trump

"Oh, I woulda heard about that. I watch all the news, Fox News AND Fox and Friends. Y'know I DID shoot a guy on 5th Avenue? But the fake news covered it up. And my team wouldn't let me do it again."

(Trump senses he needs to distract.)

"I'm going back to Slovakia to look for my fifth wife."

Obama

(Slight hesitation, then...)

"You mean... fourth?"

Trump

(Long pause.)

"C'mon! We'll get some Clorox and have a toast! And I'm gonna make Barron an ambassador to Hogwart's, he loves that place."

Obama

"Well I imagine you're very busy these days."

Trump

"Golf. I got a bunch of great guys, they won't let me do anything else now."

(Washington tries to grapple with what he has seen.)

Trump

"You know I had a revolving door installed in the cabinet room to make the turnover easier?"

(Trump wanders off, singing...)

"This land Is my land, this land is myyyyyyy land, This land is mine mine mine mine mine."

Washington

"I have seen teenagers die for this new ideal of a country. I have had three horses shot out from under me. I lived nightly with the threat of being captured and having the entire trip across the Atlantic to anticipate my hanging."

(Washington draws a shaky breath.)

"That was the most harrowing moment of my existence."

(Washington searches Obama's face.)

"Tell me... does the Republic survive?"

Obama

(Long pause.)

"Well, 240 years ain't bad, huh?"

 

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20 years Marine Corps and National Guard, deployed to OIF. Phi Theta Kappa, President's List. Single dad.

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