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If it doesn't go in very far, are you still getting screwed?

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Author 38325
Message William R Castlelich

I called my mortgage lender for the sixth time this morning. They have one of those really pleasant and efficient front-end menu systems where you enter everything but a DNA sample (yet) and then perhaps somewhere around the twentieth or thirtieth minute of being on the phone, something approaching a human comes on the line and asks you to tell them all the information you entered.

Around about the forty-third minute we finally got to the question "how can I be of service today," which is both kind and laughable as this is a bank and the only service banks provide, male prostitutes have been providing for years, and banks don't even offer lubricant.

"Well, I gotta tell you I'm about exhausted," I said.

"How can I be of service to you?" the almost human voice on the other end of the phone intoned.

"Well, we had our mortgage payment set up at a bank..."

"An automatic bank draft?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Paperless is just magical, isn't it?"

"Well, except when you have to wipe, which I feel like anytime I have to try and talk with you."

"How can I be of service to you?"

This was sort of a circular conversation and although I wanted to say "is there any chance you could fire bomb yourself?" with some admitted pride, however, I restrained myself.

"Look," I began, "this is the sixth time I've called [name of major bank] about our mortgage. I had this set up on an automatic bank draft and when I left this bank I called [call 1] and asked if I needed to do anything to get a paper invoice, and the almost human voice on the other end of the line told me I didn't."

"Oh, well, let's see how I can help you today."

"No, that's not the whole story. I didn't see an invoice from [name of major bank] and so I called again [call 2] and waited on the phone for fifty-two minutes and nothing sounding like a human came on, so I decided to call back another time. But then I, like many Americans, got busy at work and I wasn't able to call back for about a week. When I finally did [call 3] I got something sounding like a human who assured me they'd have an invoice in the mail."

"How can I be of service to you?"

"Okay, you can stop saying that and listen," I said as the thought of the fire bomb thing flirted in my head. "I didn't see anything again in the mail, so I called again [call 4] got a human sounding thing and it told me that '[name of major bank] was sending out those invoices today.'" "Wow," I thought, "imagine how lucky I was that on the very day I had called and waded through this menu phone systems for thirty-three minutes, on that very day, you all were sending out invoices." But instead I thanked the somewhat human sounding voice for its help.

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William R Castlelich Social Media Pages: Facebook page url on login Profile not filled in       Twitter page url on login Profile not filled in       Linkedin page url on login Profile not filled in       Instagram page url on login Profile not filled in

A writer for over 30 years and political satirist. Of course without a single published piece of merit, which makes me your average American blogger.
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If it doesn't go in very far, are you still getting screwed?

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