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I'm Starting a Left Wing Militia. Wanna Join?

By       Message John Blumenthal       (Page 1 of 2 pages)     Permalink    (# of views)   4 comments

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View Ratings | Rate It Headlined to H3 12/21/09

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The Righties have militias so why can't we? After all, the Second Amendment is for all of us, not just for them. Granted, we Lefties don't own guns because we're the ones who try to pass gun-control laws, so it would be hypocritical for us to own guns. Unlike the Right, we're not quite as willing to accept hypocrisy as a lifestyle choice.

But that doesn't mean we can't start a militia (which is what the Second Amendment is really about.). It'll be fun! We can begin by recruiting people from book discussion groups, and those who give money to Amnesty International.

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Our first mission would be to disrupt the Righties wherever they rear their ugly, racist heads. For example, at their rallies, we can broadcast Pottery Barn music or humpback whale sounds. And I'm talking LOUD. Once they've been disabled, we can force them to watch reruns of "West Wing."

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We'll need signs too, but nothing as pathetic as the Righties badly-scrawled racist slogans. How lacking in creativity! Our signs would be colorful, like Matisse prints, and say stuff like: "Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Carbon Footprint!"!" or "Glenn Beck Drives a Gas Guzzler!" or "Bill O'Reilly Doesn"t Use Cloth Bags When He Shops for Groceries."

We'll get our revenge rightwing rabble-rousers by littering Sean Hannity's front lawn with hundreds of empty Pinot Grigio bottles. Or throw organic veggies at Lou Dobbs on his way to work. As for Rush Limbaugh, I have two words. Duct tape.

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John Blumenthal has been a professional comedy writer for 25 years. A former associate editor and columnist at Playboy Magazine (following a short stint at Esquire), he's written 8 books and 2 produced movies. His films include "Short Time," (major (more...)

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