By Bob Gaydos
(A scene from "Just One of the Boys," a show previewing Off-Broadway. The characters: Donald Trump, Roger Ailes, Newt Gingrich and Rudy Giuliani, all wealthy, overweight, white men in their 70s. Plus a narrator, off-stage.
A bunch of the "boys" were sitting around the GOP clubhouse having a few drinks the other day. It was too rainy to play golf and they were way too out of shape to care anyway.
The talk inevitably came around to women. Women they had known. Women they could have known. Women they should have known. Women they wished they had known. Women they still wished they could know. If you know what I mean.
It was an exercise in fantasy, braggadocio, misogyny and out-and-out lies. Also, a lot of wishful thinking since, in addition to being out of shape, they were all of that age -- 70 and up -- where most of the women they had in mind would likely respond with, "Are you out of your mind?"
What the boys -- Donald, Rudy, Newt and Roger -- were doing, in addition to trying to top each other's tales of "conquest" -- was trying to develop a strategy for Donald to "put that witch, Hillary, in her place," as Roger explained. Only he didn't say witch.
So far, all the bullying, shaming, yelling, interrupting and lying by Donald hadn't worked as well as they all thought it would. For some reason, a majority of women and, to the boys, a surprisingly large number of men, seemed to feel that Hillary had much better experience and a more suitable temperament to be president of the United States than did Donald.
A woman, for Pete's sake! And not a babe either! She doesn't even look presidential, they agreed. "And she's been really mean in the things she's saying about me," Donald chimed in.
"Yeah," agreed Rudy.
"You should say mean stuff about her," said Roger.
"Well, you know I could have at the last debate, but I decided not to," Donald said. "I was nice, but she attacked me for saying Miss Universe got fat and Rosie O'Donnell was a pig. I mean, it's true, so how could it be mean?"
"You're right, Donald," Newt pitched in. ''They are fat. You should go after her on Bill."
Rudy and Roger nodded in agreement. "Do it, Donald," urged Roger. "What kind of woman puts up with her husband fooling around with all sorts of other women, stays married to him for 40 years and has a successful career in politics?"