First Democratic Debate, Summarized:

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Lester Holt: That's beautiful. I love you.

Julia'n Castro: I pronounce Hispanic names correctly, too. Like, perfectly.

Bill de Blasio: May I just interrupt for a moment to say that I am a white guy who would like to be president?

Lester Holt: Yes, you may.

John Delaney: Can I?

Lester Holt: f*ck you, limp dick. Governor Inslee, you're a white guy who wants to be president. How do you feel about a woman's right to choose?

Jay Inslee: I basically invented it.

Amy Klobuchar: I would like to collect my identity politics points for him saying that please.

Cory Booker: The neighborhood I live in is rather poor actually.

Tulsi Gabbard: War is bad.

Tim Ryan: I also am in this debate.

Lester Holt: It's time for a commercial break, but we'll be back with more Elizabeth Warren after this.

~

Chuck Todd: Welcome back to the-

Microphones: Wakjbwoiwefnfboqnhunafkh bfkjdfnnikr hfbskjfbbhd giuvnmmhbfuui wnoerifiolsfni

Chuck Todd: Oops never mind, one more commercial break.

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