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The REAL Game Kids Should Never Play

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As the Christmas holiday approaches and kids get gifts that parents put on their credit cards increasing their debt or don’t because they’ve been hit hard by the sub prime loan scandal or health care crisis in America or the rise in gas prices, AOL has put together a list of 7 games that kids should never play.

But AOL has no problem with letting kids play the one game they should never play: The game of war being played out in the Middle East right now.

And since that is the case, than AOL should be promoting video games and suggesting that kids should be playing violent games so when they enlist in the new Future Soldier Program that they will most certainly qualify for in their senior year of high school, which might get them financial assistance for college if they meet the requirements, the requirements being that if after the “War on Terror” is over and you are still alive than you can go to college, they can be prepared for what lies in their future in countries of indigenous and impoverished people we plan on pillaging and plundering.

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AOL’s problems lie with the following:

7. Manhunt 2 (Wii)

This action game from the makers of Grand Theft Auto caused a media frenzy that lasted for weeks. Why? It's gratuitously violent and requires the player to physically mimic the action on screen, such as jerking the Wii remote downward to shove a pen into an enemy's head. The most gruesome shots in the game have been partially censored, but this is one Wii game that's definitely not for everyone.

Am I missing something? It looks like if kids play this game, they’ll be more ready to kill some hadjis once they enlist and go over to fight a war of occupation in Iraq.

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6. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

This might look like a patriotic game that will teach the kids American values, but it has an M-rating for a reason. Too-realistic combat that includes disturbing scenes where attack dogs chew out your companion’s throats put this war game over the top. Buy the tone-down Nintendo DS version of the game instead, which has a more kid-friendly ‘T’(for Teen) rating.

Too-realistic? How do you expect these kids to go off and fight a war without end if we do not allow them to see the realities of war and get good at combat? We need our future soldiers to be able to see just what war is really like.

And how dare you insult the patriotism of Call of Duty! Our forefathers fought tooth and nail for our freedom just like our soldiers in Iraq are doing now. To suggest that any war game does not suggest American values is unpatriotic and anti-American. Killing brown people is at the heart of American values. But, perhaps it should have a Teen rating since teens are the ones who fight our wars of terror now anyway.

5. Beowulf

The game based on the animated Robert Zemeckis movie (in theaters now), which is based on the epic poem we all studied in high school English class, focuses less on its literary relevance and more on the gore. Beowulf's ability to go into a blind killing rage by filling up an in-game meter isn't exactly the stuff of term papers.

The ability to go into blind killing rages is essential if we are to beat the terrorists over there instead of here. Kids must bone up on their ability to go on rampages.

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4. Conan

Like Beowulf, Conan might sound like a harmless fantasy-based game, but much like Arnold Schwarzenegger film, this gory game includes rampant bloodshed, bodily dismemberment and a little bit of female nudity.

A little rampant bloodshed and bodily dismemberment never hurt anyone. In fact, it helped us take Baghdad in three weeks. And then it helped us establish democracy in a place that used to be filled with evil. And after bringing the fruits of democracy, there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of T & A right? Allah might not like it if we make love to the natives but we do.

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Kevin Gosztola is managing editor of Shadowproof Press. He also produces and co-hosts the weekly podcast, "Unauthorized Disclosure." He was an editor for OpEdNews.com

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