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OpEdNews Op Eds    H4'ed 7/1/21

What's in a Name, Part III

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Message BK Faunce

Say it ain't so!

Back by absolutely no demand whatsoever, the "What's in a Name" game stumbles forward into a third installment. It's quick. It's easy. It contains life-lessons for those without a life. Best of all, it's free. Because to rename is to reflect. To reflect is to reclaim. To reclaim is to relate one thing to another, as with a name and a tag, especially when the name is well-known and the tag subverts it. That's where the fun begins.

"Splatter" (aka Lauren Boebert). Splatter represents an entire horror sub-genre all by herself. She's your run-of-the-mill, garden-variety far right extremist blowing up everything around her. Except her own self-aggrandizement. She fudged her campaign milage. She lied about Covid deaths in Texas and why she packs heat. She lied about Planned Parenthood, fund-raised off murder and of course has a fetish for guns, mostly the kind that kill a lot of people real fast. But the best has to be her tweets about the House Speaker's movements during the January 6 attack on the capitol. In real time. Was she assisting the insurrectionists? Someone might want to investigate.

"Frollo" (aka Jose Horatio Gomez). The Archbishop of LA is the leader of a reactionary group of Neo-Catholic bishops threatening to withhold communion from members of the church who believe a woman should have control over her own reproductive destiny. It's a stunt, right? No one in their right mind should take advice on human sexuality from this gaggle of hysterical virgins. They subjected their own children to torture and rape in every country on the planet. Shouldn't they be in a cave somewhere praying for forgiveness instead of trying to force their Iron Age superstitions onto others? At the least, if their politicking continues, Congress should consider revoking their tax-exempt status.

"Space Laser" (aka Marjorie Taylor Greene). Yikes! She accused Democrats of staging mass shootings, mocked child survivors and suggested her political rivals should be executed. She's denied the holocaust, claims the 2020 presidential election was rigged and insists Jews can start wild fires with, ahem, space lasers. A real life white supremacist, serious anti-Semite and practicing Christian, she's also a Republican member of Congress. What? Me worry?

"Mini-Me" (aka Rick Scott). Dr Evil's smaller self, Mini-Me proves being bald isn't the worst thing to happen in life. You could grow up to be like Rick Scott, a big-time corporate cheat. He was a disaster as Florida's governor and is worse as a senator. His complete obsequiousness to Dr Evil lays bare a coward's agreement: silent on racist smears but smiley face for Neo-Nazis and white supremacists. Are they "good people" too? Mini-Me does not say. Maybe he should watch the video.

"AOC" (aka Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez). No tag necessary. A liberal firebrand turned water-carrier, she said she started her own PAC so she could support progressive candidates without begging the DNC for money. But then, secretly, she takes $100,000 from her PAC and shuffles it to 31 right-wing Democratic incumbents. Thirty-one. Now you know. The letters are not an abbreviation for her name; they're an abbreviation for what she does: "Ask Out Corporate," "Abet Only Corruption," "Always Open Con," or my fav, "Screw You Sucker." Sigh.

"Ghost" (aka Michael Eric Dyson). Could it be more obvious? When Cornel West publically condemned Barack Obama's drone assassination program, Democratic elites went into high gear trying to muzzle his criticisms. Enter the Ghost, dutifully nipping at the heels of any and all challenges to party leadership. Glen Ford's analysis deserves quoting in full: Ghost's "elongated smear of Dr West is to demonstrate to Hillary Clinton's camp that [he] remains a loyal Democratic Party operative who is available for service." Think Al Sharpton or Hakeem Jefferies --- or Melissa Harris-Perry, if she were a dude.

"Ganef" (aka Debbie Wasserman Schultz). As DNC chair, Ms Ganef got caught cheating on behalf of one of the 2016 Democratic nominees for president. She then got pilloried at the convention and eventually resigned in disgrace. Thankfully, the candidate for whom Ganef cheated welcomed the corruption and, as a reward, put her in charge of the entire campaign. Lie, cheat, steal. That's how you get promoted in the Democratic Party.

"Tool" (aka Candace Owens). For starters she told the House Judiciary Committee she "proudly identifies as an Uncle Tom" because she's freed herself from "the plantation." Fact check: Tom never leaves the plantation. Simon Legree has him beaten to death. Among other highlights: Tool thought Hitler just went a little too far, agreed that Black people "pretend" to be oppressed, compared the mask mandate to legally enforced segregation laws, called proponents of Black Lives Matter "domestic terrorists," smeared the NAACP and blatantly lied about the Central Park Five, Ahmaud Abery's murder and the threat of white nationalism. Oh, to be black, female and a complete sell-out.

"Chooch" (aka Chuck Todd). A well-groomed kiss-ass, Chooch is known for his "loyalty" to elite power even though it's painfully obvious he "hasn't a clue" about anything beyond his powered nose. Doesn't matter. Chooch is not there to probe or to inquire or to reason why. He's rolled out every afternoon in a freshly pressed suit to waggle corporate talking-points into reassuring bedtime stories. If ignorance and stupidity got married and had a son.

"Maya" (aka Nicolle Wallace). What we have here is a genuine, card-carrying, unapologetic torture apologist. Maya was a key member of the Bush / Cheney gang and openly defended their war crimes. For her groveling, she got a gig on TV where she could continue her kabuki for war and foreign plunder. Fluent in CIA, she thinks it's important for viewers to know that W did not "politicize" the Iraq War. Wait a minute. Not politicize? Mushroom clouds? WMDs? Mobile chemical labs? The media blitz to build support for the invasion was a straight-up propaganda operation. Of course it was politicized. Maya's response: "I don't care what we did." So there.

"Misfit" (aka Jason Johnson). A straight-up misogynist and self-hating racist who angrily accused Black women who supported Bernie Sanders of living on "the island of misfit black girls." Spoken like a true overseer. In the same spew he called progressives "racist white liberals" because they pushed for policies like better wages, universal health care, debt relief and education. You know, policies no one supports. Turns out Misfit's masters at MSNBC agree with every vile, shameful word he's uttered. Why else would they rehire him?

"T2" (aka Joe Biden). It's the return of neo-liberal repression, or Trump times two. He's a racist, misogynist, serial liar and corporate sell-out, so don't be surprised when this historic fraud drops the hammer on every progressive policy he's promised to enact. Check it out. Climate change? Not here. Trade? Never heard of it. Immigration? Get outta' town. Rule of law? Don't talk to me. Voting rights? Nobody home. On second thought, forget the whole thing. He already has.

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BK Faunce is a retired Associate Professor of English (UMW / UCSC) specializing in British Romantic Literature, Film Theory and Writing. His recent work examines the use of state power and its impact on visual culture.

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