by Dr. Gunnar S. Böll
Writer Emeritus, Gonzo Magazine
I miss my dentist. I genuinely miss Eduardo. Well not so much Eduardo as the camaraderie of after hours vodka swilling nitrous sessions in his office. After hours means roughly 1 p.m. He's usually too shaky to work after that anyway. If he ever was, he is no longer an inspiration to the profession of dentistry.
The fool decided to go back to school. Like a mafia lawyer, Eduardo has this compulsion to rub shoulders with fiends, scumbags, and maniacs. So he decided to pose as a Columbian Colonel (the officer's cap I found for him is Russian, but it's not a perfect world, everyone understands that) and sign up at The School of the Americas at Fort Benning, Georgia.
Among its 60,000 or so distinguished graduates are Manuel Noriega and Omar Torrijos of Panama, Leopoldo Galtieri and Robert Viola of Argentina, Reagan's beloved 'freedom fighters', the murderers of Archbishop Oscar Romero, the guys who pulled off the El Mozote massacre, maybe even the late President 'Blowtorch Bob' D'Aubisson of El Salvador, I'll have to check. But anyway, Eduardo has huge jackboots to fill, and I'm sure he will, if he loosens up a little on the booze. Or maybe it helps.