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OpEdNews Op Eds    H2'ed 9/20/17

Saturday: The Apocalypse. Sunday: Gays To Celebrate With A Street Fair And Beer Bust!

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God's going gay for the Apocalypse

Taking a break from Trump Messiah sycophant-ism the "prophets" of the Christian Right are warning of Saturday's coming Apocalypse.

God's Ambulance Chasers are changing course

Far from following in the footsteps of Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson* (the original Christofascist blame-the-gays theorists), today's Apocalyptic ministers have changed from merely raining bibles on disaster victims to connecting the Armageddon dots, forming a picture of a God totally pissed that anyone, any country would do something so abominable as accept gay marriage

And considering that disasters like hurricanes Katrina and Harvey have been blamed almost exclusively on the LGBT community, it's gonna be a very GAY Apocalypse.

There will be ...

Gay floods

Beats Noah's
Beats Noah's
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Gay tornadoes

How twisted!
How twisted!
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Gay earthquakes


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And, of course, Gay volcanic eruptions!

Burn baby burn
Burn baby burn
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The signs have already been in place:

- a rash of major hurricanes!

- Planet X/Nibiru has been seen hurtling toward us through space by millions? thousands? hundreds? okay, tens of people !

- San Francisco's Folsom Street Fair is the DAY AFTER!

- Fox News changes Sean Hannity's time slot to be opposite Rachel Maddow!

- Robert Mueller has Trump's tax returns!

It's Nibiru, stupid!

Theories abound in YouTube with dozens of "updates" (average number of views - an astounding 250) and signs ranging from homeless genocide to "sightings" are scattered like dandelion puffs across the internet.

The science behind Nibiru might seem a tad secular, but look deeper into the YouTube uploads and you'll see God lurking around. The comments are a testament to man's blessed skepticism:

- It's time for us to stop believing bullshit jus cos a mofucker tell u bullshit wiv a straight look on their face

- OLD sh*t FOR NEW MONEY

- i am glad to see that you dont have any subscribes... rlly. I am not negative perons who want worse for others, but this bullshit cant spread anymore

- For anyone who believes this stuff... WILL YOU PLEASE GIVE ME 1,000 dollars so I can go have fun with my wife for a few days before Nibiru gets here?

The date of September 23rd is also a magnate for armchair Armageddon freaks: the alignment of the moon, sun and planets have alarmed "rapture" believers and exorcists.

Of course,the Mexico City quake is fueling the bullshit fires. So far, God's ambulance chasers are ominously (but respectfully) silent. Just wait.

Pope Francis, of course, is having none of it: several years ago, after a quake in Italy was attributed to civil unions by a local pastor on radio:

The radio station distanced itself from Cavalcoli's views and the Vatican has issued a stinging rebuke, saying the idea of a vengeful God was "a pagan vision" dating from "the pre-Christian era".
Archbishop Angelo Becciu, number two in the Vatican's powerful secretariat of state, said Cavalcoli's comments were "offensive to believers and disgraceful for non-believers".

A lignment of the planets, Nibiru or an angry God, God's Ambulance Chasers have to blame someone, anyone else for the Apocalypse. Gays are the easy target.


Postcript:

Remember Harold Camping?


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"God has given sooo much information in the Bible about this, and so many proofs, and so many signs, that we know it is absolutely going to happen without any question at all. - Harold Camping

It didn't.

See you at the Fair on the 24th.




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*Robertson warned Orlando, FL of a meteor striking it in retribution for Disney World's Gay Day.

 

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Rev. Dan Vojir is has been writing/blogging on religion and politics for the better part of ten years. A former radio talk show host (Strictly Books €" Talk America Radio Network) and book publisher, Dan has connected with some of the most (more...)
 
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