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OpEdNews Op Eds    H2'ed 9/11/21

Governor Abbott's Rape Crusade

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Message BK Faunce

Governor Abbott
Governor Abbott
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Did anyone see this?

It's being reported as a word-for-word translation of a video of a podcast on a report put out by someone named Chuck Masterson for something called the "All News Network." Who knew? Unfortunately, video of the podcast has vanished, although an anonymous blogger managed to capture the audio in real time and, in the spirit of democracy, print it for public consumption. The segment gives a sense of the truly bizarre. Check it out.

"Welcome back to the All News Network. ANN. All the news. All the networks. All the time. I'm Chuck Masterson.

"This just in.

"The recent decision by the Republican controlled Texas State Legislature to outlaw a woman's right to a legal abortion after the first six weeks is a troubling development for all of us, but it's especially troubling for persons who "menstruate." In addition to criminalizing women's health care, the law turns average citizens into vigilantes and snitches, which obviously violates our deepest held values and beliefs. (Unless you work for the FBI or the CIA.)

"While the men and women who report for All News Network strongly support the effort to address the epidemic of rape in this country, we strongly disagree with the attempt to blame women for a crime that, after all, is committed almost entirely by men. Men rape women all the time, for all kinds of awful reasons, but mostly men rape women because they're raised to think women are not fully developed human beings. They're sexualized objects, the material of male fantasy, temptresses who seduce men and then get them thrown out of the garden. From a christian point of view, it's gospel. From an enlightened point of view, it's insane. In Texas, over 400,000 girls will experience rape or attempted rape by the time they graduate High School. We're talking children, folks.

"There is, however, a silver lining to this legislative intrauterine intrusion. After signing the so-called 'heartbeat' bill into law, Governor Abbott sought to calm the fears of his female citizens by promising that 12 year-old girls who've been raped by a relative and who are now denied proper health care will not have to suffer. They will not be a problem. Rest assured. As of today, the governor is officially on a crusade to 'eliminate rape.' A rape crusade.

"Now, we here at ANN are justifiably skeptical of the governor's announcement, if only because no country in the history of civilization has ever eliminated rape. (Today rape is considered a 'military tactic.') Add to this the governor's actual record and it does not give one comfort that he'll actually follow through. So, in the same spirit in which Governor Abbott proposed his rape crusade, ANN has taken it upon itself to compose a list of potential targets, accused rapists with whom the governor might begin. There is no order to the list, and the names below do not exhaust it.

"Bill 'Slick Willie' Clinton: it's not just his sexual exploitation of a young Monica Lewinsky. There's Paula Jones and Kathleen Wiley, both of whom Clinton sexually harassed. And then there's Juanita Broaddrick, who accused Clinton of rape. She told three close friends and her future husband about the rape right after it happened. All four have corroborated her story. Slick Willie is the same guy who flew on serial rapist Jeffrey Epstein's "Lolita Express" 26 times, and who remains the Democratic Party's go-to guy for 'female empowerment.' Maybe you could look into frog-marching this predator to prison?

"Brett 'the Boofer' Kavanaugh: as anyone who watched Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court nomination hearing or researched his record knows, there's absolutely no question the Boofer is a sexual pervert with a long, shameful history of abusive behavior brought on by binge drinking. Nor is there any question Christine Blasey Ford was telling the truth when she testified, 'I believed he was going to rape me.' Maybe you could do something about removing this lying pervert from the Court and re-locating him into a six-by-five room with bars on the windows?

"Bill 'pound cake' Cosby: over 60 women accused this moralizing hypocrite of drugging them and sexually assaulting or raping them. He got caught, went to trial, was convicted and sent to prison. Then, suddenly, he was out, banked on a technicality arranged by an incompetent DA (who also happens to be one of Trump's impeachment lawyers). Bill Cosby is a serial rapist. If the research tells us anything, it's that he will try to rape again. As governor of a rape crusade, maybe you could find a way to make sure it doesn't happen?

"Joe 'not sorry' Biden: this should be an easy one. Tara Reade, remember her? The entire country got behind the 'MeToo' movement, led by lots of loudmouthed Democratic powerhouses. Believe the women who said they were sexually assaulted, harassed or raped by powerful men, they all blathered. Except when it came to the powerful men in their own party. Biden has a record of inappropriate behavior. There's credible evidence to support Reade's accusation. It's time to open an independent investigation into the current President's alleged rape of the young female Congressional staffer. Perhaps you can help this move this along? Get him off the streets?

"Donald 'grab 'em by the pussy' Trump: yes, we know. He's your idol. Your golden calf. But, really, it's not even close. Like all sexual predators, Trump has a pageant full of accusers, including Jessica Leeds, Kristen Anderson and Cassandra Searles. The p*ssy grabber is currently under investigation for raping E Jean Carroll at a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room 23 years ago. It's being held up by the Biden DOJ. One predator covering for another, it's presumed. Again, governor, your assistance in making certain this predator can no longer walk the streets of Texas, or anywhere else, seems in order.

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BK Faunce is a retired Associate Professor of English (UMW / UCSC) specializing in British Romantic Literature, Film Theory and Writing. His recent work examines the use of state power and its impact on visual culture.

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