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Life Arts    H4'ed 1/27/10

Do You Know Who's in Your Wallet?

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Why is Alexander Hamilton on a $10 bill, while all Thomas Jefferson gets is a lousy $2 bill? Nobody ever sees $2 bills (at least I don't), but I see $10 bills all the time.What's up with that?

Sure, Jefferson gets a nickel too, but a nickel is five lousy cents. Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence for Christ's sake. Was that chopped liver? A nickel and a bill that nobody ever sees? It's a travesty!

Besides, Hamilton wasn't even a President. Yes, he was the first Treasury Secretary (big deal), but he wasn't even born in the United States.The rest of his resume includes having an affair with a married woman and losing a duel to Aaron Burr. So he gets the $10 bill for that?

What about Lincoln? He gets a$5 bill, which he deserves. But a penny? It's an insult! Pennies piss people off and end up in drawers. Panhandlers won't even take them. Congress should probably get rid of them, but when was the last time Congress did something useful? Besides, without pennies, how would greedy retailers keep thinking we're too stupid to know that $5.99 is 6 bucks?

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John Blumenthal has been a professional comedy writer for 25 years. A former associate editor and columnist at Playboy Magazine (following a short stint at Esquire), he's written 8 books and 2 produced movies. His films include "Short Time," (major (more...)
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