Send a Tweet
Most Popular Choices
Share on Facebook 1 Share on Twitter Printer Friendly Page More Sharing
OpEdNews Op Eds   

Dick Cheney was Absolutely Right, and Other News

By       (Page 1 of 1 pages)     (# of views)   6 comments
Author 29544
Message Allan Goldstein
Become a Fan
  (22 fans)
- Advertisement -

 It is time to cut Dick Cheney a break.  He's absolutely right, Americans are less safe under Barack Obama.  In the good old days of the Bush-Cheney administration a business icon didn't have to fear public scorn and humiliation just because he snatched a few government dollars for his "retention" bonus.  Bond traders, subprime issuers, credit default swap magnates and other financial wizards--the ex-backbone of our ex-economy--are now hiding in terror.  The class-warfare Obamamaniacs want to confiscate their cash, parade them in front of congress, drag them into court and generally make their lives a living hell.

It's all so petty.  Getting rich by soaking the government is a hallowed American tradition that Cheney rightly cherishes.  The man is authentic; he knows whereof he speaks.  Cheney waltzed from the Department of Defense to run Halliburton back in 1995, and when he left in 2000 he danced back out with between $30 and $100 million (nobody knows for sure because he's not telling) in cold, hard, government-contractor cash.  And when that gig ended he picked himself for Vice President, so he could keep the tap flowing to his old friends in the defense industry by starting wars and throwing no-bid contracts at them.

That's the kind of loyalty you can't buy anymore in our cynical age.  Well, OK, you can buy it, but that doesn't make it any less admirable.  The Bush-Cheney guys took care of their own; they made sure the better classes got what's coming to them and never, ever had to live in fear.  It was a safe, happy time in America.

But now, that commie Obama and his commissars are threatening to expose poor, helpless AIG executives, just because they got paid.  Next thing you know their names will be all over the Internet, their faces will litter YouTube, and angry peasants will throw rocks at their cats and burn dollar signs on their front lawns.  All for following the time-honored tradition of suckling hungrily on the public teat and making fortunes to spend in the Hamptons, thereby keeping waiters, limousine drivers and gardeners awash in petty cash.

- Advertisement -

Dick Cheney is absolutely right.  When the economy collapses and our best and brightest have to sell their condos in Jackson Hole just to keep their interns in Tiffany's so they don't call their wives, we are less safe.

This tragedy is on the new president's head.  Because of him, nothing is sacred in America anymore and no one is safe.  For shame, Mr. Obama!

In other news, the Saudi government has issued a statement refuting the accusation that a miscarriage of justice had been perpetrated in that holy nation.  Royal investigators have determined that Khamisa Mohammed Sawadi, the 75 year-old grandmother who received 40 lashes, purportedly for "mingling," was not being punished at the time.

- Advertisement -

"We would never do such a thing.  Ms. Sawadi is a hero of the people," said a spokesperson from the House of Saud.  "She committed no crime.  What looked like a flogging was merely an innocent BDSM session that got out of hand when she couldn't bear to utter her safe word, 'Netanyahu'"

The spokesperson confirmed that Ms. Sawadi will be awarded the Saudi Royal Medal of Honor and a tube of Neosporin.

Despite the welcome uptick in the stock market, news came today reminding a stunned nation that the pain is not yet over.  Ann Coulter, conservative firebrand and head model for iodine bottles has had her soul repossessed by the bank.  Satan, the previous owner, regretted the decision but said he had no choice."

We were upside down," he said.  "Her soul had deteriorated to the point where it was worth less than what we owed on it.  We had to walk away."

 

- Advertisement -

Funny 1  
Rate It | View Ratings

Allan Goldstein Social Media Pages: Facebook page url on login Profile not filled in       Twitter page url on login Profile not filled in       Linkedin page url on login Profile not filled in       Instagram page url on login Profile not filled in

San Francisco based columnist, author, gym rat and novelist. My book, "The Confessions of a Catnip Junkie" is the best memoir ever written by a cat. Available on Amazon.com, or wherever fine literature is sold with no sales tax collected. For (more...)
 
Go To Commenting
The views expressed herein are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.
Writers Guidelines
Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles
Support OpEdNews

OpEdNews depends upon can't survive without your help.

If you value this article and the work of OpEdNews, please either Donate or Purchase a premium membership.

STAY IN THE KNOW
If you've enjoyed this, sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter to get lots of great progressive content.
Daily Weekly     OpEdNews Newsletter
Name
Email
   (Opens new browser window)
 

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Broken Unions, Broken Nation, and the Lie that Keeps us Broke

Republican Autoerotic Asphyxiation

The Short, Sad Life of Greedaholics Anonymous

How do you know if you're an artist?

"The Memoirs of the White House Janitor." By Cosmo "Ace" Willingham.

What do we lose if we "lose" in Afghanistan?