Send a Tweet
Most Popular Choices
Share on Facebook 1 Share on Twitter Share on LinkedIn Share on Reddit Tell A Friend Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites
OpEdNews Op Eds

The Short, Sad Life of Greedaholics Anonymous

By       Message Allan Goldstein       (Page 1 of 3 pages)     Permalink    (# of views)   5 comments

Related Topic(s): ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; , Add Tags
Add to My Group(s)

Well Said 1   Funny 1   Supported 1  
View Ratings | Rate It Headlined to H4 1/13/13

Author 29544
Become a Fan
  (22 fans)
- Advertisement -

(Image by The Consuming Vortex of Greed)
  Permission   Details   DMCA

Greed by The Consuming Vortex of Greed
   The following secret recording of the first and only meeting of Greedaholics Anonymous was smuggled out of the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, stuffed down the bra of the attache' working as a "comfort girl" to WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange.

   "Welcome, everybody to the first meeting of " uh " hey, will somebody tell Rajarantam to stop shoving food in his pockets?   Come on, Raj, the donuts are for everybody.

   "And Bernie, take your lips off the coffee spigot, it's not sanitary.   Use a golden chalice like everyone else.

- Advertisement -

   "Now, where was I?   Oh yes.   Welcome all, to the inaugural meeting of Greedaholics Anonymous.

   "We are here today because our souls are hurting; the terrible damage we've done with our insatiable greed ruins our relationships, endangers our health and torments our consciences.

   "All our lives we've felt alone, the whole world a stranger, good only for feeding our huge, gaping maws.   But we're not alone.   Here, in this haven, we are not fraudsters, currency manipulators, company killers, pension raiders and widow foreclosers.   Here nobody will call us rainforest-destroying, reef-raping, toxic-sludge dumping scum.

- Advertisement -

   "Here we are among friends.

   "Before we begin, it will be necessary for us to learn a strange new skill: It's called "sharing.'   Now don't be scared, it's got nothing to do with money.   It's just a word twelve step programs use for talking about everyone's favorite subject: themselves.

   "Robert, do you want to go first?"

   "Hi, my name is Bob and I'm a greedaholic."

   "Hi Bob!"

   "I need help, I'm a sick man.   The other night, after playing Liar's Libor at the Viper Room, I got so geeked up on my power that I blew out a disk having sex with a posse of hookers in the back seat of my Lamborghini.   Next day I expensed the whole deal to The Royal Bank of Scotland and they covered it!   I was so ashamed I couldn't touch a derivative for a week."

- Advertisement -

   "Thank you Bob, you've shown a lot of courage tonight.   Who's next?"

   "Hi, my name is Ivan and I'm a greedaholic."

   "Hi Ivan!"

   "I'm having problems with step 8, the one that says we should "Make a list of the persons we had harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.'

Next Page  1  |  2  |  3


- Advertisement -

Well Said 1   Funny 1   Supported 1  
View Ratings | Rate It

San Francisco based columnist, author, gym rat and novelist. My book, "The Confessions of a Catnip Junkie" is the best memoir ever written by a cat. Available on, or wherever fine literature is sold with no sales tax collected. For (more...)

Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon Share Author on Social Media   Go To Commenting

The views expressed herein are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.

Writers Guidelines

Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Broken Unions, Broken Nation, and the Lie that Keeps us Broke

Republican Autoerotic Asphyxiation

The Short, Sad Life of Greedaholics Anonymous

How do you know if you're an artist?

"The Memoirs of the White House Janitor." By Cosmo "Ace" Willingham.

What do we lose if we "lose" in Afghanistan?