Lastly, let us not forget the value of orgiastic, mind-numbing, tongue swallowing, eyes-rolling-back-in-the-head Trump rallies. Remember that strength (among other things) is contagious, so gather up your red MAGA, KAG, and "Transition to Greatness" (seriously?) hats, your virtual, virtually invisible masks, your daily dose of hydroxychloroquine, and, of course, your dog-eared copy of "The Art of the Deal", and get going! You've got a lot of social non-distancing to catch up on! Go visit your grandparents! Throw a children's birthday party! Turn your kitchen into a makeshift mosh pit! And always be sure to serve everyone Lysol popsicles, just to be on the safe side.
But most importantly, make sure all your iPhones and iPads have the updated version of the Fox News app. That way, you won't miss a single detail about Obamagate, deep-state plans to install George Soros as fed chair, and above all, the forthcoming blockbuster expose on Hillary Clinton's diabolical plan to kidnap Christian children and grind them into filling for Shish Barak (translation: "Barack's Delight").
In short, do everything the president does, and, for good measure, do whatever he SAYS to do as well. If each and every one of you just sticks to that plan, I have a feeling everything is going to work out just fine.
Because remember how we agreed that there are two ways to win an election? In the event "I manage to garner more votes than my opponent, I win. Similarly, if I manage to prevent my opponent from getting as many voters to the polls as I do..."
Well, you know the rest.
[Mark W. Bradley is a retired history teacher who lives in Northern California. He has been an antiwar activist since the 1960s, writing and marching against every American military adventure from Vietnam to the Iraq War. His satirical articles have appeared in numerous online publications throughout the United States, as well as in New Zealand, the UK, and the Netherlands. He can be contacted at [Email address removed].
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