But the Republicans couldn't truck his
seemingly cornball humanism and kissin' up to the hairy remnants of the
counterculture. They Up Yoursed him
at every turn, culminatin' in the Iran hostage crisis that took up so much of
Carter's time as the focus of the media, especially ABC's Ted Koppel who
started the Nightline program that counted the days of the crisis, and drove nail after nail into Carter's re-election campaign. As Nixon had
famously helped undermine the Paris Peace accords that might have ended the
Vietnam War years earlier, so Ronald Reagan's crew back-channeled a deal to
keep the hostages longer to make an arms deal. These are two near-treasonous
moves, each undermining the position of a sitting president, make Trump's
Ukrainian quid pro quo look like a misdemeanor. (In fact, you could argue that Obama should have been impeached for his transition political subterfuge.) But that's not what the MSM was
focusing on. So, it never happened. Up Yours, MSM. Hmph.
And just weeks before the 1980
presidential election, seemingly trying to show how hep he was again to boost
votes, Jimmy decided to confess that he had lust in his heart for other women
and did the confession surrounded by the willing bunnies of Playboy
magazine. The Republicans had been
roasting his nuts, but Jimmy went ahead an Up
Yoursed himself in the face, and by the looks of the damage it was a
fist-f*ck.
We haven't a populist president since. Oh
wait. (It doesn't end well for them, does it?)
XIV. Ronald Reagan (1980-1988)
Just think trickle-down economics that
have been with us ever since. Globalization. The 1%. This actor during the war,
who rang Lana Turner's bells way more times than the postman's twice. This Star
Wars menace who inspired two nuclear war-apocalypse movies within months of
each other, Threads (1984) and The Day After (1983). And joked about it all, hot mic style, saying, "We begin bombing in 5 minutes," to which, reportedly, some far-flung freezing Russkie knocked over his vodka bottle responding to with a "high" alert of his own. Reagan wouldn't let
John Hinckley have the last word. "Up Yours, Hinckley," his survival seemed to say (hit right in the Eve rib, BTW). "I ain't dyin."
Up Yours, too, Mr. President. "There you go again," his smirk seems to say.
XV. George Herbert Walker Bush (1988-1992)
"Voodoo Economics," he called Reagan's
trickle-down plans. The ex-CIA chief hoped
to be the "kinder, gentler" president, but then, seemingly, inexplicably, as
Daffy Duck would say, he went after Sa-dam
Hussein, the shoeshine-boy pronunciation that would later come back
to haunt his son, a shoeshine boy if there ever was one. Then after deking Hussein into believing it would be no problem if Iraqi soldiers purloined the family jewels of Kuwait, Bush Up Yoursed Hussein by announcing that "This aggression will
not stand," and then he sat back down again, allowing US troops to kick Iraqi
ass all the way back to Baghdad. All a pointless, avoidable exercise that
produced nothing worthwhile but the film Three Kings
and a pre-text for junior George to go all jungle holler years later, after the psoriasis-like heartbreak of 9/11, all that dandruff falling from the sky. The only other thing that came out of this one-term
presidency was the later revelation that he had a thing for Up Yoursing the bums of passing women -
well into his ancient wheelchair days (covert operations,
shhhh). A lot of CIA types are ass men. Up Yours.
Next Up: It's Up Yours with the New World Order, the shakers and bakers of Panopticus who we discover too late have given us not security because they love us and are benevolent but because, well, It's a Cookbook! Batter up, chickie.
(Article changed on December 14, 2020 at 07:34)
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
