Self-medicating: See above.
Rehab: That time interval, more or less extended, between hangovers. A respectable alternative to jail for celebrities.
Thrill ride: When applied to amusement parks, a mechanical apparatus that produces feelings of joy and euphoria. When applied to movies, a series of chase scenes in search of a story.
Social media: A space where those determined to waste time can do so in the company of others. A financial alchemy where a billion people make one person a billionaire by using a free service.
Infidel: One whose absurd myths about the universe differs from your absurd myths about the universe.
Passionate: That character flaw which enables one to care more about something than it is worth.
Colon: Punctuation mark used to repair inadequate book titles.
Planet: Slang for earth, used by various tribes of the Caucasian upper middle class when discussing environmental issues.
Environment: Either an empty space where a noble entrepreneur creates wealth, or the petard upon which capitalism is hoist. An ill-defined space that is either developed or raped, depending upon one's point of view.
Political conviction: That deeply felt ideology of a civil servant obtained from the results of yesterday's focus group.
Hero: In moral terms, one whose unpopular beliefs are vindicated with time.
Denier: In moral terms, one who clings to unpopular beliefs far beyond the time allotted for their vindication.
Reality show: A medium where ordinary citizens demonstrate the lengths to which they will abuse reality in order to appear on television.
Sequel: The penalty imposed upon an artist for getting it right the first time.
Genius: Gifted with a towering intellect and transcendent talents. Also: A rap star with his own line of clothing.
Erectile dysfunction: An inability to perform one's marital duties, due to the age of one's spouse.
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
3
3
1
