Morning, dear Americans. Our Network, the Faux News is presenting a live discussion with Colonel Pissuar, the leading expert on counter- terrorism. The topic of the discussion is a newly discovered deadly threat to Americans and the US security. For the rest of the conversation Colonel will be P, like in Penetrate and our lovely anchor Idiotica Nekazinski will be designated as IN.
IN. Greetings, Colonel. It is a pleasure to have you with us.
P. Thanks. I am thrilled to reveal to the American public the new deadly weapon of the terrorists.
IN. Excuse me, Colonel but why are you unzipping your pants?
P. To reveal the weapon. Here it is, let me just put in on the table. Like it?
IN. Whew, man, are you drunk? It is your penis.
P. Not my penis, but THE penis. It is the new weapon and it had been released into action with deadly consequences.
IN. What do you mean? And will you please take it away or cover it by something.
P. No way! American public must see the danger it is facing. Mine is harmless but the others are deadly, I can assure you.
IN. Can you please, elaborate?
P. See, the Al-Hui- Duh had developed their "steely penis' program. In a nutshell that means that they recruit and train men with naturally big penises. Those men then can achieve an erection at will. A person, a penal- suicide jihadist boards the plane, initiates an erection and protrudes the wall of the airplane by his penis. Decompression follows and" we have a perfect terrorist act. Wanna know a secret? About 50% of the planes that fell from the sky last year were the victims of that new and deadly strategy.
IN. Al- Hui -Duh?
P. Oh, yes, this is a new organization and unlike Al-Qaeda it is real, all right.
IN. Are you implying that Al-Qaeda is not real?
P. Oh, come on. Osama was the CIA wetboy gone rogue. They decided to kill him and did not succeed. As if those morons ever succeeded in anything besides covering their asses. Now, he got pissed and devised a perfect revenge plan. When our morons needed to legitimize Bush they concocted a false flag operation according to which several planes were supposed to be hijacked with hostages after which our heroic Pretzel- In- Mischief was to step in and save the people's lives . I am pretty it sure it was Cheney's idea; it suits that vampire perfectly. Anyway, CIA asked their Saudi brothers to provide the double agents and those were happy to oblige. The only problem was that those folks had their own agenda in mind and they blew the towers. When Bush pissed into his pants his cronies quickly came up with the devilish Al-Qaeda. Immediately after that in the Y2001 at least three Intelligence Services (Russian, German and Italian) expressed their doubts about the existence of such organization. Russians were the most blunt- they simply rejected the idea. Obviously, because this new Al-Hui-Duh is their doing. They are laughing their penises off right now. If you don't mind I would like to put my penis back into my pants now. It is chilly here.
IN. Please. But why is that Al- Hui...whatever, a Russian baby?
