I got up this morning, turned on the computer and this is the first thing I saw: "The economy skidded to a virtual standstill in the final three months of last year, raising fears the country could fall into a recession, unable to withstand the multiple blows from the prolonged downturn in housing, a severe credit crisis and soaring energy costs." Yikes!
I've just been credentialed by CNN to cover the South Carolina Democratic primary debates in Myrtle Beach on January 21 and, once there, I plan to size up every candidate from the female voter's point of view. But without even having left California yet, I'm already starting to develop some theories regarding this POV -- and what I am coming up with is really scary. From what I can tell, the average American female voter is gonna be way up in arms this year. But if she isn't, then she should be.
"Is it the economy, Stupid?" Yes. That and a whole lot more.
I just got an e-mail from an irate woman in the Midwest. "Jane, when you wrote about John McCain, were you aware of his marital history?" Not really. "I think if most women knew how he cheated on his first wife and then left her for a much younger trophy wife who had lots of family money to advance his political ambitions, they would be appalled and never support a man like this."
Ladies, always beware of politicians who talk about family values. It's usually just another cheap ploy to lure you into their, er, voting booth. And once you've marked their ballot and you are all ready to cozy up for an entire term of office, they'll all run out the door yelling, "I'll call you in the morning!" over their shoulder -- and you'll never hear from them again. But I digress.
What other issues are effecting women? Let's see. Education? Healthcare? Those are the biggies. And high mortgages on their homes -- if they can actually afford to buy one. When women vote, they will probably be looking for candidates who speak to these issues. But I don't have to go all the way to South Carolina to figure that one out.
But the most important voting issue for me -- and ain't I a woman too? -- is making sure that our votes will actually COUNT. Who even cares if the ladies of Wisteria Lane vote for McCain, Rudy, Huckabee, Romney or Ron Paul on the Republican ticket or Hillery, Obama, Edwards or Kucinich on the Democratic side or the Green Party candidate or the Libertarian guy or even if they stay the freak home on election day -- if our votes aren't counted correctly.
In my humble opinion, the Desperate (voting) Housewives of America have far more to worry about than merely who we chose to vote for and/or whether or not they keep their promises to us after the election or just jilt us at the threshold of the White House. Now we also have to worry about if our votes even count -- and if our fabulously legendary history-making idealistic world-shaking American democratic process still even works.
And while I'm at it, here's another thing about the elections this year pisses me off -- and will hopefully piss off other female voters too. From what I can tell, the media is screwing us over too. If you look at "Campaign 2008" as a media online "dating service" that we have hired to find us our future political soul-mates, it's clear as glass that they are now trying to hook us up with incompatible blind dates. Just look what NBC did to us in Nevada!
"Kucinich? You can't date that guy!"
You would think that a woman who has to worry about making ends meet and feeding her family and educating her children would prefer to be matched up with pro-middle class candidates like Dennis Kucinich or pro-labor candidates like John Edwards or fiscal conservatives like Ron Paul. But no. Our online dating services -- ABC, NBC and Fox News -- are deliberately sticking us with losers who can only babble on about "one hundred more years" of war and how wonderful our current sicko healthcare system is and how globalizing our jobs out to third-world countries will eventually trickle down more jobs for us (working in dollar stores) and other irrelevant stuff.
In my opinion, the main reason that American (voting) housewives are desperate is because deep down inside of us, we instinctively know that it doesn't even matter who we care about or vote for -- not McCain, Romney, Giuliani or Huckabee or even Hillary, Obama or Edwards or even Kucinich or Ron Paul -- because the corporate powers-that-be who now own America are gonna give us, either by jury-rigging electronic voting or by censoring media access, whoever they want us to have. Period. End of discussion.