Oakland mayor Jean Quan by Bob Patterson
Oakland mayor Jean Quan addresses a Zimmerman verdict protest demonstration on Saturday July 20, 2013.
[Note: The legal department insisted that this column be clearly labeled as a work of fiction and attempt at achieving humor so that it would be exempted from the ministrations of a member of the fact checkers' union.]
Since JEB Bush and Hillary Clinton both have such a commanding lead in the mad scramble for their respective party's Presidential nomination, the World's Laziest Journalist News Organization conducted some polling to asses the likely winner of the (hypothetical?) expected 2016 match-up and have determined that the race is, at this point, too close to call.
Mrs. Clinton, a former Little Rock Arkansas housewife, became known during Obama's Second Term for her efforts to establish a political strategy consulting firm in Washington D. C. Then she decided to become her own top client and run for President.
JEB Bush, who has been Governor of Florida, is a recognized authority on academic matters and he runs a Journalism consulting firm which lists Fox as its top client. He also has been a top military advisor for the fellow who occupied the White House before the Obama Recession devastated the American economy. JEB, before he entered politics in Florida, was a famous musician who might be best known as a pioneer in the mariachi surf sound because of his no. one hits "Swimming to Miami," "Alligators in El Paso," and "Deficit wipeout!"
Speaking of Florida's and America's political future, the Astrology desk at the World's Laziest Journalist News Organization is predicting that Congressman George Zimmerman, who was a famous crime fighter before he entered politics, will win reelection to a second term in the 2016 general elections.
Conspiracy Theory aficionados are speculating about the possibility that an investigation is needed regarding their suspicion that a bit of a combination psy-ops and jury tampering might have occurred in conjunction with the George Zimmerman acquittal.
Liz Cheney has upset some Republicans by announcing that she would like to run for the Senate from Wyoming. When her father suddenly announced that he had concluded that the best running mate for George W. Bush should be Dick Cheney some curmudgeonly Democrats objected because the rules specifically state that the Presidential and Vice Presidential candidate can not be from the same state. Dubya was a Texan and the Dickster was living in Texas, but when the objections were raised . . . faster than you can say "Poof be gone!," Dick Cheney was suddenly a Wyoming resident. Why shouldn't the same magical logic apply to his daughter?
Speaking of forgotten past news items, this week in San Francisco a bicyclist was charged with vehicular manslaughter and the case was being described as a first. Wasn't there a pedestrian killed by a bicyclist on Ocean Front Walk at the Venice Beach back about 1978 or 79? Didn't the AP move a photo on the wire (at least for a regional split) of a related protest?
Did anyone else notice that in the last full week of July 2013, both the Uncle Rushbo and the Norman Goldman/Mike Malloy factions of talk radio seemed (cue the Hallelujah Chorus song) to be in agreement about one thing: Americans don't care about the birth of a kid who might be the King of England 65 years from today. Heck the American media seems this week to be ignoring the trials and tribulations for one of Michael Jackson's kids. Back in the day couldn't he make world headlines by holding his kid over the edge of a balcony. Are news editors that fickle?
The Armstrong and Getty radio show criticized CBS Evening News for using the royal birth as a lead item. Apparently the CBS news team doesn't care about the fact that Iraq has been determined to be in a state of Civil War (should the USA send troops?) and that Syria's Civil War may also need some American troops. It's as if CBS had sent a guy to cover the Battle of Britain and he sent back a report about how the Princess was handing out candy bars in an air raid shelter. Wouldn't CBS have wanted something more hard news-ish? One day soon, won't the "Peace in our time" era be celebrating its 75th anniversary?
This weeks news story about another accident involving an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico reminds us that we have intended to write to the Columbia Journalism Review and ask them if the continuing series of ads proclaiming that British Petroleum has helped the Gulf area return to normal, which accompany the CBS Evening News Broadcasts seen in the San Francisco Bay area are seen in the same context around the USA and does that constitute a conflict of interest? If the phrase Ethics in Journalism isn't an oxymoron, then could the folks that teach journalism consider the BP ads an example of applying the "hide in plain sight" principle to the concept of bribery?
Should the Columbia Journalism Review call CBS out for a conflict of interest? Maybe we'll send the URL for this column to the editor of that publication and ask about that.
Was there any other criticism this week of CBS Evening New that we missed?
Private Eye, a publication in Great Britain, epitomized the prevalent opinion for most Americans with their headline: "Woman has baby."