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OpEdNews Op Eds    H3'ed 7/28/08

Fly-Fishing Lessons

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This is an awful thing to say, and if there were a Hell I'd probably wind up there for even thinking such an ugly thought. But, I can't help it. It's this: What a treat it would be to watch Dick Cheney get too close to a really powerful microwave oven in some oil company executive dining room and, as he walks by with his hot pastrami and cheese, BOOM! his chest explodes. See? Ugly thought. Awful. Shame on me. (Can you imagine what the pastrami and cheese would look like after such an explosion? Ick.)

Cheney is such a mean-spirited, nasty, son-of-a-b*tch. The latest example of his disrespect for all things living? According to the New York Daily News, the Puppet-Master had planned to speak next month to the Disabled American Veterans at 8:30 in the morning at the organization's August convention in Las Vegas. But, his staff insisted the sick vets be locked down (!) for two hours before Cheney's arrival and not be allowed to leave until he'd finished talking.

No exceptions. Not even a bathroom break. Can't hold it, former soldier? Can't put a quick kink in your catheter? Can't pinch off your colostomy bag? Then, wet your pants. Or crap in your dungarees. Doesn't matter. Dick Cheney's security is far more important than your bladder or your colon. Even if there's still shrapnel lodged somewhere in there digging new grooves every time you cough.

Yeah, Cheney's security. In front of veterans. What's he afraid of?  Veterans? Disabled veterans?  Really?  What is he afraid they might do?  Cheney represents the political party that truly loves veterans, right? The political party that does so much for them once they come home either dead or profoundly wounded, right? The political party that so deeply respects the sacrifice soldiers and their spouses and their children make for Corporate America, right? The political party that never fails to point to the lack of concern for veterans and soldiers on the part of the other political party, right? So, isn't Dick Cheney deeply loved and respected in return? Don't the vets, disabled or not, just want to be close to him? Just to warm themselves in the glow that beams from this Super Patriot? This Real American?

No? They might not see it that way? Oh . . .

According to the Daily News, "Many of the vets are elderly and left pieces of themselves on foreign battlefields since World War II, and others were crippled by recent service in Iraq and Afghanistan. For health reasons, many can't be stuck in a room for hours."

Does Dick Cheney give a goddam about any of that? Please. The Disabled Vets are nothing more than props, background, furniture for this miserable thug. Breathing, still-moving, display pieces for another Dick Cheney attack on the Democratic Party and its insistence on defeat in the Glorious War Against Terrorism. Especially that uppity, um, Senator. The one running around Europe but wouldn't go visit our wounded heroes. What's his name? Barack Hussein Obama? Yeah. Him.

The Daily News: "It was a huge imposition on our delegates," said David Autry, a Disabled American Veterans official. Autry said vets would've had to get up "at Oh-dark-30 and try to get breakfast and showered and get their prosthetics on." Once inside, they "could not leave the meeting room, and the bathrooms are outside," he said.

Cheney's office acknowledged the cowardly security requests, but insisted our Beloved Vice President is sensitive to combat veterans' needs. Yes, he is. Absolutely. No doubt about it. Yet, Cheney himself surely wanted to tell these pain-in-the-ass vets the same thing he told Senator Patrick Leahy after Leahy pointed out the war profiteering by Halliburton, Cheney's once and future corporate spider hole, "Go f*ck yourself!" Dick snarled as he passed Leahy in the Senate chambers. Nice. Shows sterling leadership qualities. Wouldn't it be fun to say that to these whiney-ass vets, too?

As one of Cheney's press flacks noted to the Daily News, "Cheney has visited hospitalized wounded warriors and invited Walter Reed Army Medical Center patients for fly-fishing lessons around his swimming pool." Awwwwww . . . well, I'll be damned. Fly-fishing lessons. Around the Cheney swimming pool. How's that, Barack Obama? How's that for compassion for our wounded warriors? Did you ever offer fly-fishing lessons? Huh?

So, Cheney's invitation to stand in front of these wounded combat veterans next month and lie has been yanked. The DAV felt his security demands were unreasonable. Not to mention the fact that those demands border on hysterical. Or paranoid. Or cowardly. Or all three.

Now, how soon before this story causes the same cacophony of criticism generated by the story of Obama deciding not to visit wounded vets in Germany because Defense Department regulations specifically prohibit such visits? A matter of minutes? Days? Months? Ever?

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Mike Malloy is a former writer and producer for CNN (1984-87) and CNN-International (2000). His professional experience includes newspaper columnist and editor, writer, rock concert producer and actor. He is the only radio talk show host in America to have received the A.I.R (Achievement in Radio) Award in both (more...)
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