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Earth Invaded by killer, bug-eyed space devils. Run for your lives!

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Make room for Martians…

by Tim Cerantola

According to NASA, the Phoenix Mars Mission discovered water on the surface of Mars.  And not just signs of water that existed there billions of years ago, but water, today, now.

Water, the kind of water we humans like to sprinkle our golf course with or flush down our toilets or pollute with toxic chemicals - not to mention avoid drinking eight glasses a day of.

Yes, H2O water - invaluable to any manned missions to Mars and that which lends itself to the theory of life on Mars.  I guess it’s only a matter of time before someone announces that alien, non-terrestrial life is a reality.

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If you’re like me and listen to too much late night talk radio (with George Noory), you’ll know that most “Ufologists” (that’s what they call you if you spend too much time thinking about aliens and watching Star Trek reruns) have long ago jumped the gun when it comes to aliens.  The ufologist will have you believe the universe is crawling with all kinds of aliens - mostly friendly nice aliens who want to help Earth solve her many problems.

The mainstream media, on the other hand, prefer a different kind of alien.  Far from the cuddly ET, phone-home variety, the media prefers an evil, nasty, more-freakish and repulsive creature.  So, you can just forget about the benevolent, lovable, kind to children alien.  In today’s media manipulated climate of fear, aliens are more likely to be darker, sinister, malevolent beings who lurk in the shadows, waiting for a chance to perform sadistic genetic experiments - not to mention lots of anal probing on an unsuspecting human population.

The point is, get ready.  I expect our trusty media is readying the headlines that will read… “Earth invaded by killer, bug-eyed space devils.  Run for your lives!  (But first, a message from our sponsors’ new comprehensive home and life insurance package that includes alien invasions).”

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Though I have always hoped, I have never seen strange flashing lights in the sky.  No, the only strange flashing lights I’ve ever had the misfortune of seeing were in Disco’s during the late 70’s.

As for our scientists, most are afraid to even talk about the UFO phenomenon for fear of reducing their credibility to the level of cartoons, and in turn lose their research funding.

So, instead, we routinely hear them say, that even if there is intelligent life in the universe, the likelihood of meeting them is practically zero because traveling the thousands of light years that separate us is impossible.  Sadly, human science in all its arrogance, likes to limit an infinite universe and all of its vast potential to our present level of knowledge and understanding.

However, if we can suspend science for just a minute, and for the sake of argument and entertainment, let’s say that aliens are real and they’ve come to Earth for a visit.  Why do so many people assume they would want to contact Washington first?

Is it because any well-bred space alien with half-decent manners would want an official presidential endorsement to have a look around?

Well, hold on just a light-year folks.  Why would an advanced alien race need to ask permission to look around earth?

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To put it into perspective, I’ll use my “human and the ants analogy,” because I think humans are marginally smarter than ants and, I had a few of both in my kitchen last summer.

Think about it.  If you were to discover an large anthill crawling with life, would you ask to see the head ant first before having a look around?

Probably not! Why would you care?

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Tim Cerantola's humour and political satire has been published in over 25 magazines and newspapers. When he is not pretending to be a writer, he works at a real job working with autistic and special needs children.

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