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Earth Invaded by killer, bug-eyed space devils. Run for your lives!

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Message Tim Cerantola

And so, I assume it is the same way with aliens and humans.

Furthermore, try to look at it from the intellectually superior alien perspective.  You’ve just arrived on Earth in an advanced space vehicle so complex that these inferior, spam-brained humans wouldn’t even know how to flush the toilet in (if aliens even go to the bathroom).

You’re a tired alien; you’ve just traveled a pile of light years with a back seat full of noisy, impatient alien children who haven’t shut up since you passed Alpha Centauri; your helmet is hot; your antennae are wet with perspiration and you’ve had to go to the bathroom for the last two light-years.  What you really want is a nice cool drink of that delightfully refreshing earth beverage, Liquid Plumber - but instead, these fatuous humans have other plans for you.  They want you to waste all your time listening to no end of long-winded politicians waxing poetically about how our civilizations can learn from each other.

My point is, put yourself in the alien’s shoes (if that’s even what aliens wear).  Imagine how bored you would be with all those pompous bureaucrats with their stuffy uncomfortable formal wear, dull dinner parties and endless speeches - not to mention that constant whine from the military begging you for your advanced technology to build better, more destructive weapons (for the purpose of world peace, love and the brotherhood of mankind).

No way!  Not me! If I were an alien, and I just might be (I’ll ask my Mom, she’ll know), you would find me on the beach or trying out some of the local food.  Heck, if aliens are as advanced as we think they are, they’re going to fly right past Washington and head straight for Disney World.  Now that’s an intelligent move.  You can’t have a bad time at Disney.

Let’s face it, do aliens really have to play by our rules?

So, be forewarned.  It could be that when the aliens finally get back to their home planet, their friends will ask them,

“So how was your Earth vacation? Did you have a nice time?”

“It was very nice,” the travel weary aliens will likely reply.  “The music was great and the food was very delicious.  We ate mostly Italian and Chinese, but the Americans and Canadians were very tasty too.”

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Tim Cerantola's humour and political satire has been published in over 25 magazines and newspapers. When he is not pretending to be a writer, he works at a real job working with autistic and special needs children.
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