By James Boyne
I've listened to hundreds of President Bush's speeches and I feel that I could stand up on a stage and deliver his standard speech myself, with no notes (even though he uses notes). Try speaking in total, non-sensical, jibberish for 10 minutes and you will be capable of being President of the United States of America , the most powerful nation on earth.
In five minutes I sat down and typed President Bush's speech as it is captured in my brain. Then, I stood up and delivered it to an imaginary crowd of applauding admirers. I felt like I would have no trouble being President of the United States myself.
His standard campaign speech is a work of art. It reflects the mentality of someone who might be confined to a mental institution----not that I want to insult people in mental institutions. President Bush's standard speech is designed to appeal to the common man (and woman). We are in trouble. Here is the speech---a version of which he might deliver November 1st, the day before Election Day.
Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.
Good to be here in _______. Thank you. Good to be here. Thank you.
How ya'll? I mean, Hi ya'll. I mean, How ya'll?
Want to talk to ya about terrorism. We're fighing 'em all over the world. We got 'em in Afghanistan . Democracy is on the march there. Elections are being held there. The children are going ta school there. People are voting. Women are working again. Democracy is on the march. 9/11 happened. They got us on 9/11 and I aint gonna forget it. We got em on the run.
We had to go into Iraq to get the terrorists. Saddam was a dictator. He gassed his own people. He had the gas. He knew he had gas and we knew it and we couldn't wait any longer. That means he had weapons of mass destruction. People are happy there now because they are not being killed by Saddam and his gas and his rapers and his torture chambers. Saddam had the torture chambers. Now people are going to vote in Iraq . We freed em. Democracy is on the march in Iraq .
Kerry's a flip flopper. He don't wanna spend the $87 billion. I wanna. He don't. He does then he don't. I'm gonna give the troops the $87 billion. There all gonna be rich. $87 billion divided by 150,000 troops is $580,000 each. Its gonna be one helluva payday. The troops are gonna be rollin in it. Its America . It's the ownership society. The troops are gonna own things. There aint no deficit. Kerry's lying. The troops are gonna get the $87 billion. If Oprah can give away free cars to screaming, cheering women then I can give da troops da money.
I'll keep you safe. I'll always keep you safe. Its my priority. No matter what I have to do, I'll keep you safe. Our children will be safe. Its for the future. The future of America . We wont let the terrorists win, just cuz they wanna win. They don't want us to be free. But we are free. The terrorists hate us because we are free. We're gonna be free.
My opponent thinks we need a global approval. He thinks we need allies. We got allies. We got Poland . We got Tony Blair. We got the Fiji Islands that just sent 100 troops. We got allies up the kazoo. But we don't need no global permission slip to bomb Iraq . The terrorist are there. Abu al-Zaquari is there. He's an ally of Saddam Bin Laden and Osama Hussein. Ya see, the terrorist got allies. They don't need no global permission slip. I'm gonna keep ya safe. Stick with me, and we'll be safe. Ya wont be safe with Kerry. He doesn't want ya to be safe. He don't understand. He don't understand nuttin'.
If you don't have health care I'm gonna help you. We need ownership. We're gonna invest in ownership so you can own things. You can own your own Health Savings Account and own it. It can be your own money to pay for health care. I'm gonna help the docs own you. And the hospitals too. They can own you. Its America . Its ownership. Its about neighbors helping neighbors. Get your neighbor to help you and help a neighbor. It you don't have health care we're gonna help ya get in touch with a neighbor and own things.
It's the little business guy. We're gonna help him. We're gonna help him own stuff so he can band together and get owned by the ownership thing. Its gonna happen. We're free. And we're safe. And Kerry don't understand.
We're turnin' the corner. Jobs are good. We're gonna put people to work. We're gonna raise the retirement age to 70 so we can all work longer. We gotta work. And anyone who wants to work can work. Its gonna work. If ya show up for work ya should have some work and I wont stop till you are working. We're level the field. We're gonna play on the field. We can compete on a level field.
And we're gonna save Social Security by letting ya work till 70 or till ya drop. Americans wanna work and own things and be safe. And that's why they hate us. We need Security. The Social Security. And we're not gonna take it away from the seniors. They're the seniors, till they're 70 or more. All of ya. Thanks.
Kerry's been President for 4 years and he aint done nuttin. I'm runnin against him to make the country safe. And Ted Kennedy. He's a liberal. I hate liberals. They wanna spend your money. They want trillion dollar deficits. They want big government. I want teeney weeney government.
Kerry doesn't want ya to have guns. We need guns. Kerry is gonna take em away. I'm gonna give ya guns. We need to be safe. And free. So we can own things.
Thank ya, Thank ya. Thank ya.
Writers Note: I have tried to capture the essence of a standard Bush speech. I am baffled as to why the media cuts so much slack for President Bush. I do not know how he ever was able to pass a basic high school English class. I would think that there would be a Congressional Investigation by a Independent Prosecutor into the criminal lack of intelligent human thought on the part of President Bush. I keep saying to myself "maybe it's just me"; "maybe I expect too much from the President of the United States ". And then I come to my senses and say "no, this can't be true, this can't be our President speaking like this sounding so confused, baffled, bewildered, and befuddled, as thousands of admirers cheer, roar, and applaud".
As you can see, we are in big trouble here in America by the mere fact that it is a close race. Hopefully, Americans are smarter than the polls are letting on and Senator Kerry will sweep the nation and win by a landslide.
P.S. If you agree or disagree, please let me know. As of now, even though I voted for Bush last time I am going to walk into that voting booth and yank down the lever for Kerry and every Democrat on the ballot
James Boyne
James Boyne dboyne@aol.com is a financial advisor, computer trainer, sales executive and freelance writer. He has been a Republican up until this year having voted for all Republicans since Barry Goldwater (remember AuH2O) ran for President. He now sees Senator Kerry as the only hope of stopping the fiscal insanity being practice by the Bush administration; bringing an honorable end to the Iraqi quagmire that is sucking hundreds of billions of dollars out of our economy; controlling the spiraling, out-of-control, health care system; and Bush's wanton destruction of the central core of America's job base---both our manufacturing and service industries. What else will be left? If you are a Republican and are planning to vote for Senator Kerry, Mr. Boyne would like to hear your brief comments at the above email address about why you are ready to switch for 2004.
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