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Human Coprophagia-2. A Message Of Tough Love.

By       Message Mark Sashine     Permalink
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French people are insane and every French person would consider sanity as the worst misfortune that could fall upon him.

D. Fonvisin, Russian author and traveler

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Travel letters, 1700s

Whoever reads this article, please read it to the end before getting upset or angry. Give me a benefit of a doubt, please.

After a year of struggle I lost my battle with my dog on coprophagia. (see here for the history

He loves to eat his own poop; who am I to deprive him from happiness. Recently I tried to explain to him that in the current time he could be appointed a Judge to some Military Tribunal and it would be inappropriate if His Honor would return from the bathroom with his snout full of his own feces. He looked at me in his doggy wise way and then started to piss something complicated on the ground. I looked and it said, ‘Judge Scalia’. That was a killer argument on his behalf. I let it drop.

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A lot of people had entered the domain of human coprophags since I introduced the concept. For those who are new I repeat that human coprophagia is a deliberate, self-inflicting and self-indulgent love and consumption of thy own feces as well as feces of other humans whether physically or spiritually. It is such a fun to watch.

  1. The Case of the Two Juwes. .(

( Rob Kall, please, do not consider this an anti-Semitic piece; I am a Jew myself, give me some leniency).

Recently a powerful example of the compulsive coprophagia emerged on TV. Jon Stewart interviewed Bill Kristol (my wife at first thought it was Billy Crystal and wondered why he became so ugly but I returned her to the good mood by telling her that the ugly monster was another Bill. She then stopped watching). For a while feces only poured from Bill’s snout when he squinted his already small eyes and generated sh*t like ‘We are so successful in Iraq. Violence is curbed. We (notice that We-MS) have elections in some provinces.’ But then I noticed a huge turd falling out of Jon’s mouth. That is when he jokingly asked Bill about torture and Bill replied that ‘it seemed to provide some valuable information.’  I started to crack some anti-Semitic jokes to myself:

-There seems to be enough free methane released by Global Warming to solve the Jewish question once and for all.

-The best way to torture a Jew is to extract money coin-by-coin.

Sick, huh? Disgusting, right? But it is no more sick and disgusting than discussing torture on the Comedy Central. And when two Jews do that it is even more sickening.. Between us, little girls, as we said in Odessa, Jews have to be double careful in those issues because who had endured so much should consider empathy and compassion a must. But Jon and Bill are not really Jews. They remember their Jewishness when they put on kippas. Otherwise they are the coprophagian Juwes, the grotesque freaks of the noble Jewry. Turds flew around and the stench was so musky that I felt it through TV. And I thought that if only they gave me Bill Kristol for 15 minutes I would convince him to confess that he was Osama Bin Ladin. Just by extracting money coin-by-coin, you know. Let no one even dare to mention anti-Semitism to me. I lived all my childhood in the atmosphere of such jokes and even worse. And through all my childhood the people of my family and others had been saying to me again and again that compassion and sense of empathy was a must for a Jew (as well as for any other human, surely) as a tribute to those who died as martyrs at Baby Yar, about a mile distance from my bed.

2. The case of the Unbeatable Block of Elephant and Donkey.

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Oh, my liberal brethren, where art though! Why is that you all together love the gas prices?

In one of my diary comments I fortified my theory about a Deal struck between Dems and GOP by pointing out that none of the candidates even promised to lower the gas prices. What I was referring to was that as a litmus test for the genuine or not genuine campaign you refer to some issue impacting ALL voters. Then a person who really runs a campaign has to address it and promise some strategy. And if that is not happening on all sides it means only one thing- the DEAL.

 I got a lot of negative comments about that explaining to me my selfishness and my ignorance in the issues of gas prices. That is it seems that all of those people are kind off OK with the current prices. I am not. I think I cannot afford it. And as such I would love to hear someone who would lower those or at least promise to do so. But whew- no way! I thus tell to my liberal coprophags that no matter how many self- generated turds they throw out Dems and GOP will deliver the Presidency to McCain and then we will have what the Soviet Union had- the Unbeatable Block of Elephant and Donkey. Unbeatable because there will be no others. Like Bill Maher said: the woman, the black and the Undead. But even Bill does not read books. Otherwise he would find the McCainish figure in the past. It was FieldMarshal von Hindenburgh, the last President of the Weimar Republic. When he died it was over and the war started. Our Hindenburgh is coming, the Undead indeed. Eat sh*t, folks, sorry for the bluntness. You can wash it down by ethanol.

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The writer is 57 years old, semi- retired engineer, PhD, PE, CEM. I write fiction on a regular basis and I am also 10 years on OEN.

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