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Subpoena Envy

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Let's talk about subpoenas.  They sound nasty…and they are.  The Bush Administration ignores them with impunity; Karl Rove prefers subpoenas to Charmin’.  Monica Goodling and Kyle Sampson, subpoenaed by Congress to testify about the firing of 9 Federal Prosecutors, simply yawned and went back to watching “The 700 Club.”  And that’s OK, because they got special dispensation from Attorney General Michael Mukasey who said he would not pursue prosecution for this minor infraction of a law that nobody seems to care about anyway.

Sarah Palin is now following that well-worn path, ignoring subpoenas to testify about her firing of an Alaskan State Trooper because, she says, “the process has become politicized” since her popularity as the Homecoming Queen With a Gun gave her the right to ignore the law.  And that goes for First Dude Todd. (When did he earn the title of “First Dude?”  Isn’t that reserved for the husband of the President?)

I know you’ve all been too busy to read the pedestrian prose from Palin’s purloined Yahoo email account ( and, both disabled now).  But there were a few interesting tidbits.  In one, one of Palin’s aides was inquiring whether private email and Blackberry messages are “immune to subpoenas,” and the reply was sent to both Sarah and Todd.  Another one was about the Alaska Department of Public Safety…the agency that fired the State Trooper.

And you’re going to point out that on Monday Palin’s lawyers now said she would cooperate with the Troopergate investigation.  But not really.  She’s cooperating with a different inquiry, one she set up herself, not the one instigated unanimously by the 14-member Alaskan Legislative Council, of whom 10 are Republicans.

And now Palin is refusing to reveal her finances until after the VP debate…if there ever is one. (She’s talking about cancelling it, just like Running Scared Mate McCain, due to the Economy.) The FEC gave her an extension on filing the required federal financial disclosure forms.  Conveniently, she won’t release the forms until October 3, the day after the Vice Presidential debate with Biden is scheduled.  Biden filed his on Thursday.

I blame the parents.  It’s this permissive Liberal Society in which we live that lets people skirt the law without so much as a by-your-leave.  If Justice is gonna get cornholed, at least these rude ignorant lawbreakers could have the courtesy to offer a reach around.

And that damned leftist Congress that seems to hate America.  When House Speaker Nancy Pelosi took impeachment off the table a long time ago, it only bred contempt for the law..

After all, if you can just ignore the Constitution, declare illegal wars based on an illusory manufactured anthill of lies, suspend habeas corpus, allow the cruel and unusual torture of detainees held without charge for as long as we friggin’ feel like it, issue signing statements that undermine legislation, get rid of posse comitatus and use American soldiers against American citizens, hire your own private army of mercenaries, and repeatedly destroy the fair election process with electronic theft, voter caging, and voter suppression…and expect to still get up in the morning for bagels and brioche, well, you know you can pretty much get away with anything.

Like getting the Secretary of Treachery Hank Paulson to rob the banks with a blackmail note threatening the Collapse of the Economy.  (“Nice little economy you got there.  Fundamentals lookin’ good, feelin’ their oats.  Be a shame if anything were to happen to it.  Just hand over $700-Trillion and no one gets hurt, see?”)

Yup, once impeachment is Off The Table, pretty much Anything Goes as Cole Porter would say.

If you’ve ever gone fishing, you know that to disguise the hook from the fish you use bait—live worms or crickets are pretty nifty, but some sportsmen prefer to use lures, colourful flashy tidbits that attract the specific type of fish you want—trout, bass, salmon, catfish.

Old angler John McCain is dangling a pretty shiny lure to get his prey to swallow the hook of four more years of Republican rule.  (Dennis Kucinich said we should give ‘em ten to twenty…)

OK, maybe the conservative Christian evangelical base of the Repugnican’ts got all hot and bothered by a beauty pageant contestant who supports creationism, abstinence-only “sex education,” banning abortion, and perpetuating an oil war that has profited her state.  Those voters are hardly a majority, but they sure are a noisy lot.

But make no mistake—Governor Palin is the trompe l’oeil, the Dickensian distractor in fishnet stockings designed to keep your eye on the trickster magician’s empty sleeve while Fagin has his hand in your coat pocket lifting your wallet.

Although it does appear that the melatonin is finally starting to wear off and America is waking up and smelling the fresh-dressed moose in the driveway.  The luster on Palin is fading and flaking off like an Earl Scheib paint job on a Camaro left to bake on a sidestreet in Kingman, Arizona.

And the polls reflect this subtle change in the electorate.  Let’s just hope they don’t go through with the bailout.  And don’t postpone the debates.

And that we still get to vote on November 4 without the U.S. Army North, now deployed here in these United States, stopping us from going to the polls under Executive Order 51, brought to you in part by Robert “The best Defense is a good Offense” Gates.


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Eric Malone has been writing about politics with a sardonic sense of humor through more than one apocalyptic Administration. He is a subversive dedicated to revolution through thoughtful laughter.
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