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Save the world, date a nerd

By       Message Tim Cerantola       (Page 1 of 2 pages)     Permalink

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Save the world, date a nerd

My topic today is idiots and how women have it within their power to stop them.  Seriously, have you ever asked yourself, why is our planet in such a chaotic state?

IDIOTS, that’s why!

Political idiots, stock market idiots, warmongering idiots, religious idiots, driving down the freeway idiots, humor writer idiots, the village idiot and, worst of all, weapons of mass destruction idiots!

It seems no matter where you go, there is always some idiot there to mess things up.

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Think about the idiots we have in politics.  I’ll name two, George Bush and everyone that ever voted for him; you can fill in your own list…

Fortunately, we have many highly intelligent nerds working in genetic engineering trying to isolate and eliminate the idiot gene.

True.  Right now, thousands of geeky geneticists feverishly working on ways of developing more intelligent people like themselves - only this time, they want their dweeby offspring to be good dancers as well.

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After all, had they themselves been good dancers, they would have spent more time dating, thus getting first hand gene pool experience, and less time experimenting in their laboratories.

I blame most of our “idiot” problem on women.  Now, ladies, don’t get upset until you hear me out.

If you’re out on a date, and the guy starts off by saying, “Baby, one day I’m gonna take over the world,” this should tip you off to the fact that you are in the presence of a whole grade “A” honest-to-goodness IDIOT who may one day be responsible for the destruction of our fragile planet!

Please, do humanity a favour and drop him right then and there.

I know, it’s that maternal, nurturing instinct of yours.  You likely feel sorry for that lost cause or hopeless fool.  (Heck, someone even married me).  Still, I’d bet if you women merely stopped dating politicians, weapon systems developers and professional wrestling fans, you’d clear up half of our “idiot problem” right there.

Remember, the sure way to stop an idiot is to make sure his idiot father never gets a date.

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Now as I see it, there is really only one type of idiot that is impossible to eliminate, and that is the good-looking idiot - idiots like Johnny Depp or Patrick Dempsey.  My daughters swoon over these guys.  These idiots fall into that “nice hair, buns of steel” category which, by most women’s scorecards, gets an idiot a free buy into the next genetic round.

My point is, though, women are just not doing the job when it comes to evolving the human species.  Let’s face it, ladies, you can’t count on men when it comes to natural selection.  We are such total dorks when it comes to sex (not that we’re much smarter with regard to anything else).

Anyways, if you haven’t noticed, the global idiot population is on the rise and, for reasons that defy explanation, many of these idiots have somehow managed to get themselves into positions of power and leadership.  We are in serious trouble here.  I’m amazed we haven’t already blown ourselves to smithereens.

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Tim Cerantola's humour and political satire has been published in over 25 magazines and newspapers. When he is not pretending to be a writer, he works at a real job working with autistic and special needs children.

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