I said "Vice-Presidency" because the President has become but a titular head; the office of Emp - sorry - Vice President, which everyone knows has really been the seat of power for the last eight years, is now seen to be the real prize. McCain, his voice breathy with sincerity, is obviously besotted with his choice of running mate, who clearly has him, along with the entire Republican "Base," wrapped around her icy trigger finger. His wife has now blessed this union. So McCain's survival is no longer an issue: either way we're gonna elect a she-grizzly-bear and clean house in corrupt old insider-bloated Washington!
For three days the RNC has treated us to the spectacle of insanely rich people describing how awful it must be to be poor, and how this is all they ever think about in their wounded compassionate souls. Mrs. McCain described this in painful detail. One would think she had been in the Peace Corps for most of her life, so intimate is her knowledge of world suffering. She followed the parade of - well, those sycophants, swindlers, hucksters and crackpots mentioned above - who extolled McCain's saintly virtues, and his possible lineal descent from the Almighty Himself, and his miraculous transformation to a selfless long-suffering hero standing alone against all the forces of Evil, between stickily sweet videos about what Boyscouts (and Girlscouts!) we all, as Americans, ultimately must aspire to be (just as soon as we make our FY money.)
Now it can be told: all the ills of our time - endless war, imminent financial collapse, infrastructure decay, Failed Schools full of Bad Teachers, and particularly the heartrending travails of Brave Single Moms - have come into our lives because of the Democrats, who always manage to spoil everything somehow. John McCain is a true-blue, well, red Crusader against the DeLay and Dolittle set, those Special Interest Lobbyists, and he's never, ever! been one of those "insiders" in Washington, and has struggled almost single-handed to fight and fight the good fight for all us and our Moms. In an apparent heat-of-the-moment paroxysm of mendacity, both Palin and McCain named "Big Oil Companies" among his, and Palin's, vanquished and shamefaced foes.
We are now to understand that Community Organizers must be some kind of loser door-to-door new-age crystal-worship salesmen. We are now to understand that in America anybody, even minority kids, can grow up to become President of the Harvard Law Review and get elected to the Senate, and be well-spoken and inspiring in a flashy suit and raise unheard-of millions in contributions of nickels and dimes, and yes, even make History; but this is hardly close to the necessary administrative experience that could prepare a person for the Presidency. You have to be at least a Mayor first, according to Rudy Giuliani, who should know.
In Barbie-World, the Republican Party has not been in charge of anything for the last eight years! Nope. The Republican Party has spent this time fighting tooth and nail against Bridges to Nowhere and Moslem Extremism and anti-Christian values in our schools, and has rooted out corruption wherever it dared to show its ugly head, even in our bedrooms. The Republicans have stood up for Single Moms, solving the problems of the Third World by personally adopting their orphans. And they know that the richest people should be in charge, because they have proven their ability to run things and know what's best for those of us who only attended Failed Schools with Bad Teachers. And Americans are the Most Generous People on Earth. And War is Peace.