With less than a week before the election, Marshbaum has been campaigning furiously.
"A chicken in every pot! Natural gas drilling will save the universe. Free health care for everyone!"
"Marshbaum!" I commanded, "you can't make those kinds of promises."
"You're right. I don't want to offend the health care industry. There's a lot of campaign money there. I'll just make up something else."
"You just can't make up campaign promises."
"Sure I can. It's easy. How about 'Vote for Marshbaum and win a date with Bette Midler?'"
"You don't even know Bette Midler."
"I like her movies," he said casually.
"It has nothing to do with her movies," I said.
"Think someone doesn't like her singing? I sure don't want to offend anyone. I could make it a date with Angelina Jolie. How about Brad Pitt for the women? Justin Bieber for teens?"
"MARSHBAUM!" I screamed. "Get reasonable!"
He thought a moment. "You're right. Angelina and Brad are probably out wasting their time doing some kind of charity work. How about 'Elect Marshbaum and you'll never pay taxes again!'"
"That's ridiculous," I said. "No one will believe you."
"Doesn't matter if they do or don't as long as they vote for me."
"But you'd be lying to the people," I said.