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If John McCain is the Straight Talk Express, then John Kerry was the Supersonic Truth Train

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Author 8646

Let me preface this by saying I'm not a big fan of John Kerry, or Democrats in general. The media branded him as someone with flimsy convictions who seemed to change his positions with the political wind. I somewhat agree with that assessment, but my lord, what I have seen from McCain this election season- someone buy this man a Corona and some tanning lotion, because the only place I've seen more flip flops is at the freakin' beach.

Against offshore drilling, now for it. Against Bush tax cuts, now for them, blasting Barack Obama as inexperienced, and then claiming experience doesn't matter by choosing Sarah Palin as his VP.

And now this.

In CNN's Republican debate back in January moderated by Anderson Cooper, McCain was asked a point blank referendum on the Bush administration. "Are Americans better off than they were 8 years ago?" Cooper asked. McCain responded with a longwinded yes, although he cited many challenges and economic weaknesses, so many that Cooper actually became confused with his answer and paraphrased "It sounds like that we're not better off is what you're saying."

Again McCain answered " I think we are better off overall if you look at the entire eight-year period..."

Yet a mere 8 months later he airs an ad that states nearly the exact opposite. "Washington is broken. John McCain knows it. We're worse off than we were 4 years ago..."

What? I'm confused, let me understand this. We're better off over the 8 year period dating back to 2001, but worse off since 2004, so from 2001 to 2003 were the golden years? Oh yes, of course! 911 occured in 2001, which of course was awesome; the Anthrax scares, yup remember those; the SARS outbreak, I'm with you so far; the invasion of Iraq, which he is right, it was great when weren't fighting the actual enemy the first 12 weeks, and then of course by 04 Cheney proclaimed the insurgency was in its last throes, which by last throes he meant... well, good luck getting an answer because he won't give one. The dollar was worth more then than it is now, which actually has been happening for almost 100 years. Wow, I'm sorry it's just, the steadfast consistency here is exactly what I'd expect from such a brilliant Maverick! Not to mention easy to follow! So I decided to offer my services for the new McCain talking points to back up this campaign theme.

Why we are better off from 8 years ago, by John McCain.

-record home foreclosures, record personal bankruptcies (Now you can buy the home of your dreams at below market value! Unless you're trying to sell your own home first.. Good luck with that. What a great country this is when you can just walk away from your debts and let taxpayers bail out the lenders!)

-300% increase in the cost of gasoline (look on the bright side, at least someone is making a fortune!)

-record commercial bankruptcies and routine quarterly losses posted by banks / lenders

-a $200 billion per year war expenditure costing the lives of over 4,000 soldiers (C'mon people, they're volunteers! They knew what they were signing up for!) which less than 1 in 3 Americans can even bring themselves to say "it was worth it", along with God only knows how many Iraqi civilian deaths, but we're sooo better off without all those potential terrorists around, right? RIGHT??

-near record inflation, so much so the Federal Reserve actually lost track of how much money they printed somewhere around the $14 trillion mark (that's good right?? My McCainonomics handbook would have me say that just means there's more money to go round! We should be running that printing press 24/7!)

-an increase in the national debt by over 80% to $9.5 trillion, with record annual deficits to the tune of $500 billion (little does China know about that new bankruptcy loophole we passed, we're so skipping out on the bill and not answering the collection agency's calls!)

-Breaking the record by exceeding $817 billion in total trade deficit for 2006. I don't know a lot about economics, but I've heard it said we are the Michael Phelps of trade deficit records, and I've heard Michael Phelps is awesome! (whoever that is)

-a president with a 28% approval rating (that I have voted with 90% of the time!), a congress with an 18% approval rating (of which I am a senior member!), and polls that consistently state that an unprecedented 80% of all Americans feel the country's leadership is taking them in the wrong direction (Not my fault! They rejected my earmark for a TomTom)

-a stock market where the S&P500 has had a total net gain of 8% (not per year- TOTAL) during this administration's 8 years compared with presidents:

Roosevelt (12.1 years) 336%
Clinton 259%
Eisenhower 216%
Reagan 200%
Truman (7.8 years) 185%

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