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Doctor Trump Will See You Now (Satire)

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Trump sets aside a few hours a day of tv-viewing time to meet privately with top government officials who are stressed by the constant grind of dealing with the coronavirus pandemic, top officials said today.

One source gave additional information, saying the 45th president believes he has the skills to provide "happy-talk therapy" to his underlings.

"Trump cares deeply about the people who are supporting his effort to find light at the end of the tunnel," the source said, adding he has a "special fondness for Tony Fauci".

So, Trump turns off Fox News and "spends at least 45 minutes a day with Tony, reading passages from 'The Power of Positive Thinking' to him".

The source continued, "In a nod to the movie 'Field of Dreams', Trump has Tony repeat, between deep breaths, 'If you think it, it will come.'"

The president and Fauci, a world-renowned expert on infectious diseases, who runs the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, repeat the mantra while visualizing a light shining brightly at the other end of a tunnel.

Trump, it is reported, sees a great, big, beautiful wall on our border with Mexico during the visualization exercise. Fauci, though, apparently sees scientists creating a vaccine that can render Covid-19 "fake news".

At which point Trump and Fauci smile, face one another, clap hands and repeat "fake news, fake news, fake news". Peter Navarro, the president's go-to guy on trade and jumpstarting the medical-production chain during the coronavirus pandemic, also gets special time with Trump.

According to a second White House official, Trump comforts Navarro, who complains bitterly about how mean reporters are to him when they ask him questions on trade relations with China and whether the government is giving hospitals enough ventilators and medical protective gear.

"They are just doing their jobs, Peter," the president typically responds. "Just let them do their thing."

Wise and knowing, Trump adds, "Remember, we win when we lie to them or insult them. The public hate the media much more than they care about our incompetence and dishonesty."

 

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Steve Schneider lives in Hollywood, Fl. He thinks registering and voting should be easy and convenient for everyone. He started a Substack newsletter, What's Going On, on Christmas Day, 2020.

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