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Between Gustav and Hanna: Traveling Notes Of The Elitist

By       Message Mark Sashine     Permalink
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‘…And then Jacques Tuverlen felt a new feeling rising in him.

It was a very distinct feeling, something very precise, something he surely could define

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It was hatred.’

Lyon Feichtwanger

The Success

Always money, son…

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John O’Hara

Lockwood Concern

From the author: To all my readers. If you, folks feel offended by any of my metaphors or statements about overweight people, women or homosexuals- please, read to the end.  Give me a benefit of a doubt. I specifically state here and now though that it is not my intention in any way to insult the groups above; I just have to use the proper comparisons because the truth is always inconvenient. Thank you kindly for your understanding.

There was a very clear message to the teenage boys from the GOP convention: knock up the proper chick and get a standing ovation from the family values crowd. Not that I have something against that.  Wondering though what would have happened if Bristol Palin had a child with an adult man.  In that case even an honest intention to marry her would not help the poor guy: off he would go in handcuffs for a statutory rape. But if you  are just a walking penis with no brains- on the podium you stand under the lights of glory.  Wondering, where were   the boy’s parents, though?   Detained indefinitely in the secure dungeon by Chertoff and his goons?

I spent the Gustav- Hanna time traveling back and forth over the Mason- Dixon line.   It was quite a revelation.  Last time I traveled to TN and GA by car it was in 1993 and the boys in the South were thrilled with AK – TN quartet in the White House.  Now it is a very different story.

Food is bad. Connecticut is notorious for its bad food but at least it is not pretentious. That is they do not advertise in New England that water/milk concentrate jelly filled with bubble gum as   the best clam chowder    to the south of Danbury or that piece of over-frosted salmonella as an Omelet of the Century.  In the South they do.   Two sticks with something undercooked between them are called The King of the barbeque ribs. Maybe they mean Elvis in his last years?  A strange yellow goop   with gummy pieces scattered over the surface is called escargot.  As for omelet I wanted to suggest to call it ‘Omelet McCain’ but that would sound too political. It did look like it survived the Hanoi Hilton really. Omelet for a President, that’s what I say!

Is it me or Cracker Barrel had really changed since 1993?  Those dusty walls, those untidy floors, those unfortunate cheap souvenirs, all made in China and Pakistan.  And the customers, my God!  Where did they get so many fatsos!  Most of the people could not fit in one chair! The cider was the same as before, thank God. Otherwise the food was really lousy. And for the twice as big a price obviously, no questions asked.

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Some things are really painful. What had they done with their coffee? OK, I know that coffee is poisonous in New England where I live but I was craving that aromatic brew of   the old- fashioned Confederacy.  Right under the defiant confederate flag I took a gulp and realized that the Northern aggression had been accomplished- that was a direct line from the CT sewer.  It even smelled that way. I should have preserved a full   cup as a souvenir from the Civil War. Together with greasy napkins, dirty toilets and unbelievably untidy rest areas.   The North is marching on, folks and Tennessee now has a New York stench. Welcome to the United We Stink.

In all fairness there are still some specifically southern aspects a stranger should appreciate.  Like dungarees, shorts and overalls. The further you are from the current Hillary Clinton's State and closer you are to the swamps she is from the higher is the percentage of men in those   les vetements, pardon my Cajun. Their asses and   their legs are amazing.  I should recommend  Dr. Dobson to introduce the course of watching the parade of those legs into his rehabilitation program for the allegedly recovering homosexuals.  After one lookup I guarantee that they all will go straight. And then they are up for the  bitter disappointment: the female legs in those shorts are by far not that different from the male ones. Dungarees are at least decent but boy, are they dirty!  It is like the whole issue of the Confederacy was about keeping that dirt intact.

The accent is still there. Thus the ugly anti- Obama TV message about him being ready to ‘tax and spend’ sounds like,  ‘OlabamataxingspendingIamJohnMcCainand Iapprovethismess…. age.’

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The writer is 57 years old, semi- retired engineer, PhD, PE, CEM. I write fiction on a regular basis and I am also 10 years on OEN.

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