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OpEdNews Op Eds    H3'ed 12/3/09

A Conservative's "12 Days of Christmas"

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PNC Bank has released its 26th annual Christmas Price Index (CPI). The CPI puts the 2009 price of all the gifts in the song, “The 12 Days of Christmas,” at $21,465.56. That's a modest 1.8% increase over last year's cost.

The Total Cost of Christmas inched up just 0.9% from last year, to a still-whopping $87,402.81. the Total Cost of Christmas is the cumulative cost of all the gifts after all the repetitions of the song â€" 12 partridges in 12 pear trees for 12 days; 11 pairs of turtle doves; 10 trios of French hens, and so on.

You can read PNC's methodology and their explanations of the price changes for the gifts in the index here.

Now, costs like these may be good enough for PNC Bank and you. But all Conservatives worth their salt know there are ways to drive down the Total Cost of Christmas even more. I know a few of those people and I am taking a page from their playbook to tell you how they would do it.

First, convince all your friends, relatives, and supporters to loan you $87,403 to pay for the Total Cost of your Christmas.

You're Conservative enough to know that only a fool spends his own money on such things. Go ahead and put the squeeze on these people; they're expecting it. You can promise to repay the loans but they know you won't do it. If they hesitate, call them Scrooges. Or Socialists. If they claim they're broke, try instilling a little fear: coal in their Christmas stockings. Clean coal, of course.

Second, reorder the gifts so that you send your True Love the pricey, labor-intensive gifts last.

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Rick Wise is an industrial psychologist and retired management consultant. For 15 years, he was managing director of ValueNet International, Inc. Before starting ValueNet, Rick was director, corporate training and, later, director, corporate (more...)
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