Occasionally, I'll just give crazy answers, to have someone asks, "Where's Leah today?" I might just point upward until they press me for what I mean. Then I'll say, "On the ceiling." When they point out she isn't there, I'll say, politely and smiling, "Well, how do you expect me to know where she is?"
Or, if a kid takes ask an exceptionally silly question, I might just stare at him as though I'm studying an exotic animal in a cage. I've also pointed out on several occasions that, "You know, there really are such things as silly questions."
Shockers are great fun, at least to me and generally the kids, and they make the day so much more enjoyable!
But don't holler out a general command unless you've truly searched for alternatives and found none; look first for a "quiet statement" to grab their attention. Example, "If you see your name on the board, it means your last for lunch."
If you need to discuss a number of things at once, you might need to freeze everyone (as I did today with two whistles from the whistle I carry on a lanyard around my neck, and that I use most sparingly and also spend time practicing desired responses to, as discussed elsewhere), to clarify the behaviors you want changed. Tell the class what kinds of things are bothering you, and what you expect instead. Know what you want and convey it clearly to all who need it. Commonly, I'll ask for a volunteer to explain it for the class, with additional explanations welcomed.
Hold "honest discussions" frequently. Tell the kids why you're getting a headache, tell what you think of a school policy you disagree with (choosing your words carefully, of course, and making clear that is the policy), ask for opinions about the different activities in your class, discuss rudeness, ways to avoid fights, and so on. This can be most cathartic and a learning experience for you as well. Through these discussions you teach values and convey a strong sense of your own humanity, in addition to ways to discuss problems calmly and intelligently.
Talk
about "available time" frequently. Elsewhere I discuss "So many minutes to be
seated"; it also helps to give "so many minute" notices till certain projects
are done. "I'd like you to be done with your graph in five minutes," or "We
have seven minutes to clean up for our art project." Give shorter notices as
the period closes, as in "three minutes to go," especially when time is an
important factor. Or "add" time and let them know: "I see pencils moving, so I'll
give another minute," or, "Who needs more time?" or "Who's almost done?" A
specific announcement for the termination of a project seems to help many kids
get together what might otherwise take them half a day.
Delete failure and derogatory words from your
vocabulary. Especially insofar as using them on kids. No one should have to
suffer a loss of dignity because of something said in an elementary classroom (or
anywhere else!). Of course it will happen in spite of my saying so, even in my
own class. But the closer we all come to making negativism and loss of esteem a
thing of the past, the closer we will be to having a healthy adult society.
I fault myself in the area of teasing, which I
do for humor, but I've learned to be far more guarded about saying things which
could potentially embarrass any individual. (Just yesterday I made a typical
exception. We started class and everyone was in their seat, ready to go. Except
Michael. He was kneeling by Carlos whispering into his ear. I couldn't control
myself. "Mike," I said, "we'll begin as soon as you're done kissing Carlos.)
Actually I use many lines like this, but I try to make sure everyone knows I'm
kidding.
Be prepared to provide no free lunches. By this
I mean whenever someone asks a favor, be it staying in at recess, working on
the computer, or buying a lunch ticket they didn't get when they were supposed
to, be ready to allow them to earn it. "Sure," I'll usually answer to such a
request, "just finish that paper on your desk," or "If you know show me you can
be perfect all morning," or "When you're done reading your book," or some such
statement that bounces the responsibility back to the student and makes
satisfaction of the request contingent on their own behavior, in a manner that
an objective observer might say as biased in your direction.
If you've got treats to pass out, and you want
people in their seats, then say the obvious, "These treats will be passed out (by
a student of course) to those in their seats." Or if you want the floor clean
before kids go home or perhaps to lunch say, "Rows with the cleanest floors
will go first." At the end of the day, I typically say, "When you're ready to
go, show me ten (or whatever, sometimes up to twenty) items to throw in the
garbage." Janitors have complimented me on having the cleanest classroom in the
school. I look at the hands and make a quick estimate, possibly saying, "You
need three more items." Occasionally I'll find some creative soul who has torn
up one piece of (usually paper) scrap into five; he or she gets to start over--as
per the title of this book, "Have Fun Teaching!"
"Are we going to do art today?" might be greeted
with, "Well, I really want to, but we'll see if everyone gets their work done
so we can."
Such statements may seem self-evident, but the
harder you look for them the more times you'll find them.
Making a habit of this mode of response pays
great dividends, and at least an aura of fairness, if not the reality of it.
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