The only thing Ron loathes more than the ACLU is a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body and her own health. “You see, the . . . Satanic, unrestricted . . . abortion program is a government–supported industry at present for liberal democrats . . . Roughly 1.5 babies [sic] a year are aborted. How do you feel about this?” How do I feel about this? I feel down to my aching arches that it would have to be a Cheney/Bush initiative to be so damned unsuccessful, right up there with the “democratization” of Iraq, Katrina recovery, “No Child Left Behind,” faith-based abstinence-only sex education, (add your pet dozen here).
Being a family man (I’m guessing here), Ron found himself wondering in the run-up to the 2004 election just “ . . . what the family values were that these Democratic candidates were speaking of. Well, John Kerry told me, in a speech today. It’s health care, jobs, fighting poverty and investing money in our public schools. Ron doesn’t think much of John Kerry’s family values (You’ll have to trust me on this.). He’s a James Dobson’s Focus on the Family values man. And as such, has bigger phantoms to skewer.
“I read a book review by Dave Wester. The name of the book is Stuck In Neutral. It’s a story written by a 14-year-old boy’s father, Terry Truman. The boy has cerebral palsy, can’t move, talk or do anything by himself. Dave Wester, in his report mentioned a couple of questionable parts in the book, but in his words, ‘Readers of any age cannot help but gain an increased understanding and compassion for people like Shawn and families who care for them.’ Now Dave must be a liberal. I’d like you all to read this book. You’d better read it first yourself because here are some of the words, and some are used quite often: hell, damn, friggin’ a****les and a** [asterisks in original]. I’d strongly suggest you read the book before your kids do. It is in large print. There’s really no story line, just a lot of liberal, filthy garbage there to put in the hands of school children.”
Other than maybe a wisecrack about the “large print” thing, I can’t find any humor in something so pathetic. The best I can do is to encourage you to reference the aforementioned study one last time.
In a more reflective mood, Ron once lamented, “I’ve had conversations with many people, and from my experience, boy, are they afraid to give me their opinion or take a stand.” For the life of me, I can’t imagine a bigger waste of a person’s limited time on Earth than trying to convince Ron of anything. Sadly, I’m a slow study—or just a naive liberal—and have spent an unwarranted amount of my ration trying. I gave up a month ago when Ron said, “As an afterthought, have you even seen America fight a war in a country that we didn’t leave in a better democratic shape than it was when we went in?” How does one begin to answer such an afterthought?
The trouble with the entire world is that Ron (Reason On Nembutal) can have ten thousand names.
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