Let me pause to reassure you that although Ron’s quotes have sometimes been cobbled together for narrative continuity, they have never been taken out of context since Ron’s rants are completely devoid of any contextual integrity in situ. (Imagine Gertrude Stein at her writing table with an Absinthe hangover.) “Robert first claims to be an atheist, and you can easily tell that by his view that America is to blame for all the problems of the world . . .” WHAT? Think of my cobbling as filling an immense void.
Ron lives in a small town where Amish buggies and steamy road apples are daily hazards. But thanks to cable TV and AM radio he has acquired the political acuity one expects from a devotee of Fox News and Rush Limbaugh. Ron knows, for example, that “Democrats are angry and mean . . . [and] nasty ever since George Bush won the 2000 presidential election. That wasn’t in their cards to happen.” He assures us that “when the Republicans start campaigning, you won’t hear all that kind of mean rhetoric.” And “another reason democrats hate President Bush and the Republican Party is because they support all the conservative issues . . .” I forgot to mention that besides being a master of the non sequitur, Ron is also an apostle of the obvious.
Ron’s radio has alerted him to the fact that “our borders between Mexico and Canada are practically open. We have three million illegal aliens a year crossing our borders. Nothing is being done about it [because] Democrats want the votes.” For a hoot, imagine hordes of Canadians sneaking across our northern frontier—possibly to escape the tyranny of socialized health care. When you catch your breath, consider that Democrats really do need an infusion of votes since hundreds of thousands of Americans who may vote for a Democrat have been “mysteriously” expunged from the roll.
As a fundamentalist Christian, Ron fears that “our Christian way of life, the church, and the Bible are out of the mainstream in America. Democrats or liberal Republicans [never] show any support for Christians. [I wouldn’t say he’s completely lost touch with reality.] It’s clear we’re distorting our constitution’s First Amendment, Ten Commandments, and the Bible’s scriptures and replacing them with rewritten man-made laws. It’s atheistic and godless people forcing their issues on us through liberal courts trying to achieve their liberal Socialist agenda.”
Referring to the aforementioned study would be a good thing right about now.
Ron mentions Sandy only occasionally—mostly whenever he needs an accomplice. And he once passed along a message from his 90-year-old mother who lives with him and Sandy. “By the way Robert . . . what she [mom] suggested is if you don’t like America, why don’t you look for a country you like better.” Okay, we now know Ron is a good son and that the crab apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
I have no idea if he is a good husband to Sandy or if their union has been blessed by the pitter-patter of little feet. If I had to guess, based on his opinions on traditional marriage and abortion (and just about everything else), there’s been a stampede and he’s been the trail boss.
Ron believes “that a traditional marriage is between a man and a woman, not between two people of the same sex. Not even animals act in that fashion.” He’s got a point, though not the one he intended. Of the millions of species of animals that have ever existed, there is only one that feels the need to pledge their troth before getting down to the business evolution set before them. So why is it that folks like Ron think marriage, which fails 50 percent of the time (more so in the Bible Belt), is so darned sacred?
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